Categorized | War Zone, World News

Putin Invades Coney Island To Help Russians Living There

Putin Invades Coney Island To Help Russians Living There

Russian President Vladimir Putin has sent Russian troops into Coney Island, a part of Brighton Beach, New York, that has a large immigrant Russian population.

Swarming ashore from submarines that covertly approached the beach, they quickly took over all government buildings and the amusement park, where the commanders had to stop the soldiers from riding the rides there.

Putin declared that he was justified in this invasion as he felt that Russian citizens in the U.S. felt prejudice against them.

“They have been in America for a generation already and still do not have the same lifestyle as the rest of Americans. Also, many Russian boys are thrown in prison for making gangs, stealing, extorting and shooting people. Why is this? They are only poor boys out trying to make a living. Police are picking on them!”

New Yorkers’ reactions to this invasion varied.

“Coney Island? Hell, I haven’t been up there in years! I heard it went to the rats,” said John Downtowner.

“Russians huh. Well, better them than the Puerto Ricans. ‘I like it here in America….’” sang Peter Subway of the lower west side.

“Ha! The Russians can have it. It went to hell long ago. Even the Russians could probably improve upon it,” stated Mrs. Armbender of the Bronx.

“Russians? Not me man! I ain’t goin’ down there to stop it, not on your life! Them’s American Russians mafia is bad enough, now you gots real Russians comin’ out of subs? I’m stayin’ home with my Uzi behind a locked door!” exclaimed Saul Broadway, a SWAT team cop assigned to south New York disturbances.

After securing the area, the Russian soldiers, who did not wear insignias and tried to blend in by looking like street gangs, were shocked by the reality of the America they had long envisioned as being better than what they had back home.

“I tought dis would be ……I don know…….different,” stated many in really bad American accents learned from watching low budget American bootleg films and old TV shows.

“I tought it would be like… um… you know….classier. Like ‘King of Queens’ or somthin.’”

“Yeah! Or like ‘All in The Family.’ I no think it be dump like this!”

The Pentagon debated on retaliatory military action against the Russians, but considered the low value of Coney Island property and decided it wasn’t worth it.


This post was written by

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I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at


3 Responses to “Putin Invades Coney Island To Help Russians Living There”

  1. Mad Max says:

    They eat one of those hot dogs theyll all be Putin

  2. Funny stuff! I especially like this line: “Even the Russians could probably improve upon it.” There are multiple digs in that line.

  3. rfreed says:

    Thanks guys!


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