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The Charge Of The Light Brigade Revisited; Russia Invades Ukraine Edition

The Charge Of The Light Brigade Revisited; Russia Invades Ukraine Edition

There is a famous poem written about another famous invasion of Crimea from the 1800′s- the British fighting the Russians on the Crimean Peninsula.

It is called ‘The Charge Of The Light Brigade’ by Alfred Lord Tennyson and concerns itself with the insane and callous ordering of a Brigade of horsemen to attack a Russian battalion that had them surrounded on three sides. It was a popularly received bit of writing; so famous that several movies were made about it.

In lieu of recent developments in the Ukraine here is a modern remake of it- from the Russian point of view this time followed by the original poem:

(P.S.- a league is a measurement of land.)

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All into the Crimea,
Flew the six thousand.
Forward the Russian flag!
Let’s play political tag!
Into the comrade Ukraine,
Flew the six thousand.

Forward the Russian flag!
Was there a man portrayed,
Who still did not know,
It was all a political play?
If they were to question why,
Putin would scold them not to cry,
It is not their business to pry,
Into the cold Crimea,
Flew the six thousand.

Protestors to the north of them,
Tartars to the right of them,
Ukranians to the left of them,
Screaming and shouting.
Disguised as though they Ukrainen be,
Put on an act did they,
In the town squares,
In the countryside,
Came the six thousand.

Putin lied, his face so bare,
Said “We must take real care,
Else our fellow Russians there,
Will go over to the other side,
And our orders will not abide.”
As all the world wonders.
Putting on airs that all is normal,
Though all around was a political squall,
Cossack and Russian,
Performed as though in a fairy tale,
Written by Tschaicovsky,
Then came even more,
Many more than the six thousand.

Protestors to the north of them,
Tartars to the left of them,
Ukranians to the right of them,
Threatened with sanctions.
They knew they had an easy gig,
Plus they were backed up by MIG’s.
Pretending to protect their countrymen,
When really they don’t give a fig,
Then arrived yet more of them,
Adding to the six thousand.

When will they go back home,
So that I can end this poem?
All the world wonders.
Your wives are going to fool around,
Your neighbor will feel her Venus Mound,
Go home, please, six thousand!

- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -

THE ORIGINAL POEM

The Charge of the Light Brigade
Half a league, half a league,
  Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death,
  Rode the six hundred.
‘Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns’ he said:
Into the valley of Death
  Rode the six hundred.

‘Forward, the Light Brigade!’
Was there a man dismay’d?
Not tho’ the soldiers knew
  Some one had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
  Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
  Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
  Rode the six hundred.

Flash’d all their sabres bare,
Flash’d as they turned in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
  All the world wonder’d:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro’ the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel’d from the sabre-stroke
Shatter’d and sunder’d.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
  Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
  Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
  All the world wonder’d.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
  Noble six hundred

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- who has written 414 posts on GlossyNews.com.

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at http://inyear252509.wordpress.com/

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8 Responses to “The Charge Of The Light Brigade Revisited; Russia Invades Ukraine Edition”

  1. T. J. Carter says:

    Been hearing/seeing this poem a lot lately. Very clever update. Full marks!

  2. Deep trout says:

    The situation in Crimea is about oil and gas…and who will control it. The Russians interest is economic, not political.

  3. rfreed says:

    The major factor is probably the protection for the critical Russian naval and submarine base there.

  4. Mad Max says:

    Well done sir!

  5. deeptrout says:

    True but the Russians have a lease on the base through 2047 and have been building a newer state of the art base on their Black Sea coast.

    The Russians don’t need Sebastopol, maybe they just want it. One thing is clear, since they’ve effectively lost their Syrian base the Black Sea is in a much tighter focus.

    They’ll need to continue to keep the Turks happy.

  6. deeptrout says:

    Anyway Roger, I’m not sure I am understanding the premise of the article. The Russians have already invaded and occupied the Crimean. The Ukraine is too weak militarily to defend it, the US and EU have already blinked.

    So who is to the north, west and south of the Russians?

  7. deeptrout says:

    …lobbing cannon fire?

  8. Deep trout says:

    I read the article again and think I understand where you were coming from. The fire Russia is taking on all sides is international criticism. The irony here may be that although the Light Brigade suffered a huge defeat, the Russians have scored an unadulterated win.

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