CEO Ben Linus Says Malaysia Flight 370 Swallowed Up By Smoke Monster

On Monday in Tunis, Tunisia, Ben Linus, CEO of The Dharma Initiative International, issued the following press release claiming the ill fated flight was accidentally swallowed up by an intergalactic black hole.

“Fifty thousand years ago a consortium of advanced Galactic civilizations constructed a black hole Stargate to earth. They disguised it as an island for the purpose of genetically enhancing and enslaving early earth hominids to work extracting valuable minerals that had been exhausted on their own planets.”

“Five thousand years ago the “Galactic Coalition For Fairness To Earthlings” forced the coalition to cease Earth operations due to the obvious violation of the Shadow Proclamation of Indigenous Peoples Rights issued in G268403 and the fact humans had adopted these galactic overlords as gods, perverting their natural development.

“The primary planets involved set up a gateway watch dog they called The Smoke Monster to insure no more violations of inter species slavery took place on earth.”

“Smoke Monster apparently had a hiccup in it’s programming and grabbed the Malaysian flight. After momentarily popping up at several locations in the South Pacific, the plane, crew and passengers of the flight were forwarded to planets around the dog star Sirius and Orion’s Belt where they currently serve as gardeners, maids and Au Pairs.”

“Unfortunately, there is nothing Dharma can do about that. Sorry. Namaste.”

Author: deeptrout

The less I say the safer I'll be.

4 thoughts on “CEO Ben Linus Says Malaysia Flight 370 Swallowed Up By Smoke Monster

  1. I had been thinking about writing something on this angle since the plane went missing. The only article I’ve seen was on Currant, but their angle was “DI Denies….”.

    Didn’t see it get picked up on a major, which one was that?

  2. Saw this angle on another satire site this weekend. Got picked up by a major newsite for a while. Knew it was coming!

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