Category: Society
Jesus Just Assumed That Republicans Knew About His Socialist Leanings
WASHINGTON D.C. – Speaking amid right-wing concerns that the United States is slowly becoming a socialist nation, Jesus Christ insisted Thursday that he just sort of assumed that members of the Republican Party – which comprises some of his most…
Dozens Trampled Over Obamacare Holiday Sale
In what is already being called the worst accident since Walmart’s Black ThurFriday Sale, dozens of people were trampled when crowds broke through library barriers trying to take advantage of Obama’s “Buy One Get One Free” holiday health care plan…
Original Poster Is Actually a Bundle of Sticks
Today the internet was shocked and quite frankly a little turned on by a new discovery: OP (or original poster) is a faggot. Internet researchers are still trying to figure out how a bundle of sticks is responsible for every…
Insider Opens Shelter for Regretful & Embittered Advertisers
Dateline: NEW YORK—Hugo “Sellout” Slickster, a recovering ex-advertiser, opened The Center for Alienated and Cynical Advertisers (CACA). Its mission is to provide support for advertisers who are withdrawn and embittered because their job forces them to dehumanize consumers and thus…
Rush Limbaugh Blasts Pope Francis & the Jesus he Rode in on!
Responding to Pope Francis’s warning that the “idolatry of money” leads to a “new tyranny,” the conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh spoke on behalf of the demonic powers that govern the material world and that only genuine followers…
Mourner of Paul Walker Attacked over “Irony”
VALENCIA, California – Those close to Paul Walker and people just trying to get on the news gathered at a memorial for the “Fast and Furious” actor who had died in a single-car crash with his friend in Valencia. He…
Josh Romney Races to Save Car from Fiery Crash
Josh Romney, third eldest son of Mitt Romney, is home safe today after his heroic rescue of a vehicle that flew past him at a high rate of speed, crashing into the kitchen of a home in Holladay, Utah on…
Thanksgiving Found Battered, Beaten In Back Alley; Police Clueless
The holiday of Thanksgiving was found badly beaten in a back alley today. The holiday, which has been waning in power and influence in the last decade, is now virtually homeless and forgotten as it has been minimized by the…
Orthodox Jewish School Expels 7th Grader Who Can’t Grow Beard
An Orthodox Jewish School in West Florida has expelled a 12-year-old student for not adhering to part of the school’s dress code dealing with grooming. Nathan O’Malley attends Hebrew Jr. High in Pensacola, Florida. According to reports, O’Malley was asked…
Parents Nationwide Update Children on Latest Things to Worry About
ACROSS THE NATION—Upon arriving at their parents’ house, sources confirmed they were greeted by their mother with the words, “Glad to see you made it. We’re always hearing about vehicle recalls on the news and you never know what might…