Steve King: Build Border Wall with Food Stamp Recipients, Planned Parenthood Doctors

Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) is calling for using food stamp recipients and Planned Parenthood workers to help build President Trump’s southern border wall, the Washington Examiner reported Wednesday.

Food stamp recipients would become part of the foundation of the wall, while Planned Parenthood workers, including doctors who provide abortions, would be part of the labor force enslaved to build the wall. Read more Steve King: Build Border Wall with Food Stamp Recipients, Planned Parenthood Doctors

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Breaking News: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her

A woman from Broken Springs, Michigan has come forward to insist that Donald Trump has not groped her, despite many opportunities to do so. Allison McGregor, a 47-year-old housekeeper who used to work at Trump’s Mar-o Lago hotel/resort in Florida, told Fox News today that the real estate broker used to visit the hotel at least once a week and on exactly zero occasions did he sexually assault her. Read more Breaking News: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her

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Trump: Hillary Drooled Through Debate

On Wednesday Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump proposed this new conspiracy theory about his Democratic rival, Hillary Clinton: that she drooled all the way through Monday’s debate.

“Didn’t notice at 1st,” he tweeted, “Crooked Hillary drooled all over herself @ debate. I scare her BIGLY Probably had seizure. Sad!” Read more Trump: Hillary Drooled Through Debate

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Genetic history mapped: Trump full of Neanderthal DNA

Recently, scientists at the Howard Hughes Medical Institute at Harvard Medical School have analyzed DNA from prehistory, to discover large population shifts ranging from 45,000-7,000 years ago. Scientist David Reich concluded that these changes in prehistoric human populations directly correlate to the last Ice Age, which enabled prehistoric human migration to much of the northern world. And remnants of that ancient world can still be observed today. Read more Genetic history mapped: Trump full of Neanderthal DNA

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Opinion: Ted Cruz is right. Why We Should Turn Away Refugees

In the wake of the deadly Isis terrorist attacks on Paris which killed 129 people and wounded hundreds more, the issue of whether or not to continue taking in refugees has divided us here in the United States of America, home of the free, land of the brave.

On Fox News, Senator and Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz said, “President Obama and Hillary Clinton’s idea that we should bring tens of thousands of Syrian Muslim refugees to America—it is nothing less than lunacy. On the other hand Christians who are being targeted for genocide, for persecution, Christians who are being beheaded or crucified, we should be providing safe haven to them. But President Obama refuses to do that.”

Bravo to Senator Cruz for taking such a brave and unpopular stance on such a volatile issue! Read more Opinion: Ted Cruz is right. Why We Should Turn Away Refugees

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Trump Riled He’s Not on Anon’s KKK List

Presidential hopeful and media prostitute Donald Trump took to Twitter Thursday evening, erupting at not being included in the Hacktivist organization Anonymous’ KKK list.

The billionaire Trump, whose campaign has revolved around deporting over 11 million illegal aliens if he’s elected President, insisted that he was deliberately omitted from the list in an attempt by Anonymous to attack his character. Read more Trump Riled He’s Not on Anon’s KKK List

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Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

In historic fashion, the curse of the Billy Goat again reared its ugly head on those Lovable Losers, the Chicago Cubs.

Game four of the National League Championship Series ended with the New York Mets beating the Cubbies by the score of 8-3, sweeping the team everyone thought was destined to win the World Series because Back to the Future predicted it.

The Mets hammered Chicago Cub pitcher Jason Hammel so bad he only lasted two innings innings in the post season game, ensuring the continuation of planetary rotation and balance within the cosmos. Read more Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

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Same Sex Jail Romance Leads to Kentucky Clerk’s Change of Heart

Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis, who refused to issue gay marriage licenses and was taken into federal custody for contempt of court, has posted bond and been released after having a change of heart in jail.

After experiencing what she called a quasi-religious experience with her female cell mate, Davis returned to her job, her cheeks flushed and a smile spread across her formerly dumpy disposition. Read more Same Sex Jail Romance Leads to Kentucky Clerk’s Change of Heart

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Obama Renames Mount McKinley “Caitlyn”

President Obama announced this Sunday that he is officially changing the name of Mount McKinley in Alaska, to Caitlyn, via his 1, 079th executive order since taking office in 2009.

The mountain formally known as McKinley, at 20,320 feet, is the tallest in North America, and has been referred to in the feminine by Alaskans for years. Caitlyn is an Athabascan word that means, “the highest mountain without a peak.” Read more Obama Renames Mount McKinley “Caitlyn”

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Pregnant Bristol Palin to Replace Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White

In an unprecedented move that’s shocked the television world, Wheel of Fortune has replaced its long standing hostess Vanna White and named Bristol Palin her temporary replacement.

The move comes after a series of contract disagreements between White and ABC over salary issues and bonuses.

Vanna White has been Wheel of Fortune’s official letter turner since 1982 but recent negotiations between White’s agent and ABC collapsed late Friday, leaving the popular game show suddenly without anyone to reveal the letters to their puzzles. Read more Pregnant Bristol Palin to Replace Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White

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Governor Haley Proposes Replacing Confederate Flag with Dukes of Hazzard Flag

Republican Governor Nikki Haley called for the removal of the Confederate flag in the capital of South Carolina Monday, after pressure from many who called the flag racist and divisive.

The pressure was mounting, after a white supremacist opened fire on an historic church in Charleston, killing nine black people.

Governor Haley earlier had defended the flag as a symbol of Southern pride and history, but as a compromise to remove it, she has proposed replacing it with another symbol of Southern pride, the flag from the 1970’s-80’s show, The Dukes of Hazzard. Read more Governor Haley Proposes Replacing Confederate Flag with Dukes of Hazzard Flag

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How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Valentine’s Day

So you want to break up on Valentine’s Day?

There isn’t any other day of the year more romantic to break up on than Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day, after all, celebrates St. Valentine, a priest who secretly married lovers in Rome during the reign of the ruthless emperor named Claudius II, who had outlawed marriage in order to better recruit soldiers for his army. Read more How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Valentine’s Day

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New Study Shows Small Men Prefer Big Trucks

The Size of One’s Vehicle is Directly Proportional to the Size of Genitalia

A new study conducted by the National Research Panel has concluded that men who drive large trucks, SUVs, and automobiles have smaller genitalia than men who drive small to medium sized vehicles.

The study, conducted on 350 males nationwide, lasted for three months. For the purpose of the study, the national average genitalia scaled in at 5 1/2 inches. Read more New Study Shows Small Men Prefer Big Trucks

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Obama Pardons Black Turkey: Bojangles will live to loot another day

Obama’s first Post Ferguson pardon occurred Thursday, and just like everything else the President does, the act has got him up to his neck in controversy.

As is tradition at the White House since 1947, the President pardoned a turkey, sparing the bird from the electric knife and the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Pardoning the turkey itself is not controversial, but the kind of turkey he pardoned has ruffled some people’s feathers. President Obama pardoned a black turkey. Read more Obama Pardons Black Turkey: Bojangles will live to loot another day

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