Category: Society
Stripped of More Constitutionally Sacred Freedoms, Hoosiers View Impending Smoking Ban as No Big Whoop
INDIANAPOLIS – In light of the Indiana Supreme Court’s decision last May declaring it illegal to resist unlawful police entry into their homes and the recently passed National Defense Authorization Act of 2012, a provision of which permits indefinite detention…
American Cities Allowing Pigeon Shoots for Poorest Families this Thanksgiving
Some cities hardest hit by the ever-worsening recession have come up with a way to kill two birds with one stone so to speak. They are urging the poorest of their citizens to take aim at the over abundance of…
Wayne LaPierre, Tormented By Fear Over Gun Deaths, Builds His Own Winchester Mansion
Wayne LaPierre, chief face for the National Rifle Association, has been secretly burdened by the fear of having helped to suppress laws that would have controlled the guns that have been ravaging American society. Knowing that he was instrumental in…
Forget Black Friday, It’s Time for Red, White & Blue Friday
We spend so much time working like hell to spend so much money buying worthless crap made in China to impress people we might not even like. This year, let’s skip the sweatshop goods and buy local to make Christmas…
Thanksgiving Name To Be Changed To ‘Selfish-Taking’.
Thanksgiving, once a proud cornerstone of our traditional American holidays with roots harkening back to our Pilgrim forefathers, is now comatose on the border of rigor mortis. At one time it was considered to be the most family oriented of…
Grandpa Oblivious That Unformed Bill of Baseball Cap Definitely Upping His Steez
FINDLAY, OHIO — Local 91 Year Old Alfred Wintacki remains oblivious to the fact that the unformed, flat bill of his Cleveland Indians snapback baseball cap is definitely upping his level of steez, several of his great-grandchildren confirmed yesterday.
Guy Wearing Funny T-Shirt Must be Funny
SPOKANE, WA—Upon seeing local vending machine assembler Paul Drummond walking down the sidewalk Tuesday, onlookers concluded that Drummond was funny based on the fact that he was wearing a humorous t-shirt. “Why else would he be wearing a shirt like…
Kayak.com Now Offering Tropical Vacations to North Pole
NP-40 DRIFTING ICE STATION, NORTH POLE — Travel-discount website Kayak.com recently launched a new promotional package featuring an all-inclusive, tropical vacation to the North Pole, sources report. According to the website’s homepage, the promotional package offers a six day, five…
Abusive Boyfriend Proposes With “Conflict-Free” Diamond to Show He Has Sense of Humor, Too
MADISON, W. VA. — Local 24 Year Old Jeffrey Kiln recently proposed to Ashley Brenevaldi with a certified “conflict-free” diamond ring in an effort to show that, in addition to his constant physically, mentally and emotionally abusive behavior toward his…
Pope Francis’s Superficial Christlikeness is Miraculous, Observers Say
Dateline: VATICAN—Experts agree that Pope Francis has made a concerted effort to change people’s impression of the Catholic Church, by adopting a less ostentatious style of public relations, leading non-Christians and Christians alike to be astonished that a Christian in…