Category: Society
A parent’s survival guide for when college kids come home for the holidays
Recently both of our daughters came home for the holiday break. Their return brought us a new set of parenting concerns. When kids go off to college, they suddenly consider themselves adults. They feel the old kids’ rules from their…
Major Paint Company Admits ‘Faux Touches’ Ploy to Sell Paint
Today, a major paint company admitted to tricking its customers into buying paint they didn’t need by introducing new painting techniques to ‘jazz up’ their living spaces, and then forcing them to buy more paint to cover up the hideous…
Really Good Hoagie Makes Man Briefly Forget His Inevitable Death
GARY, IN—While eating at his neighborhood Quizno’s Wednesday, local man Gene Lisowski spoke with reporters about the fact that he completely forgot the inescapable reality of his own death while eating a turkey club hoagie. Lisowski described the sandwich that…
Common Courtesy Rules for the 21st Century
Let’s face it. We’re all busy. Life now is much harder than it was back in the days before cell phones, the internet and Roomba vacuum cleaning robots. There’s barely enough time in the day to update our Facebook status,…
Seeking Alternatives to Lethal Injection, States Consider Guillotine, Bear Mauling
Assville, Missouri — On the heels of an execution gone disturbingly wrong in Ohio, states are pondering more modern ways to execute death row inmates. McGuire was convicted of brutally raping and murdering a pregnant newlywed. The Ohio execution of…
Ghost of Reagan Appears; Apologizes for Trickle Down Economics
It is said that Ronald Reagan haunts the White House, and a visitor to the stately home has come forward to bring a message from Reagan beyond the grave. “He says he’s sorry for advocating trickle-down economics, and if he…
Young Woman Miraculously Ignores her Beauty to Study Philosophy
Dateline: PITTSBURGH — Lisa Prettysweet, an achingly beautiful 26-year old, stunned her family and friends by showing the slightest interest in philosophy. Predictably, her reading of philosophy has made her more skeptical, pessimistic, and cynical and her parents are convinced…
Fullerton Pacifist Joins NRA – Buys Uzi
Fullerton, Orange County, CA – Fullerton resident and lifelong pacifist Dylan Donovan today announced that he has finally caved in to environmental pressures by joining the NRA and buying an Uzi sub-machine gun. Speaking from his home in downtown Fullerton,…
Video: Melamine? Clay? Undercover Hot Dog Factory Exposé Sheds New Light
GLOSSYNEWS.COM – In our first-ever video report, we go behind the scenes at America’s 7th or 8th largest hot dog factory. We see what really goes into one of America’s most infamous foods. What ingredients really go in a tasty…
Fourteen-Year-Old Florida Boy Expelled for being Named Joffrey
Fourteen year old Joffrey Stevens of Astapor High School was instantly expelled today once it became clear that he shared his name with the infamous Game of Thrones king, and all round hated guy, Joffrey Baratheon. Young Joffrey Stevens had…