Category: Society
6-Year Old Somali Girl Given Permission to Sail Solo Around the World
MOGADISHU, Somalia (Glossy News) — A six-year old Somali girl has been given permission by the Somali government to sail solo around the world in a 46-foot yacht commandeered by her father in a pirate raid off the coast of…
ET’s to End Earth Monitoring
ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) — The Intergalactic Play Nice Force has decided to abandon Earth operations, so said District Superintendent Greg Gort today. “The IPNF really has no interest here anymore. It’s a wind-down, could take three Earth years at…
More Letters from Summer Camp
Just like the little ones, summer camp exists for tweens too. Here is a sampling of a couple of letters the tweens have written home to earn their “composition” badges. Dear Kate (haha Mom), Thank you, thank you, thank you,…
Letters from Summer Camp
Glossy News, never too low to find new sources of information for you news hungry clowns, found the following letters in a number of trash cans throughout Beverly Hills: Hi Mommy, Greetings from Camp Wigwam. Did you know how dangris…
Obama Food Program Threatens Bush Weight Loss Policies
WASHINGTON, D.C (GlossyNews) — Americans are still too fat, but obesity rates in the United States appear to be slowing, according to newly released research. Government data show that 68 percent of U.S. adults are considered overweight, having a body…
Chicago’s Famous Wrigley Outsources Its Mints to Canada – The Horror
CHICAGOLAND, Illinois (GlossyNews) — The horror! The horror! This is a quote from Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, the short story that inspired the movie Apocalypse Now. It is also a quote on the tongues of many Chicagoans when…
Switzerland Pardons ‘Barefoot Bandit’
CARVILLE, Louisiana (GlossyNews) — Posted by your South America (and also Caribbean) correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. We didn’t know, so we checked around. Nobody else knew either. And I’m talking smart people here? Geraldo Rivera, the internationally respected dean…
Obama Imposes Shopping Cart Safety Measures for Kids
BALTIMORE, Maryland (GlossyNews) — The Obama Administration, in another unprecedented exercise of governmental control, has ordered the Consumer Protection Agency to implement sweeping new safety codes to protect children in shopping carts. The strict new rules will carry the force…
Movie Review: ‘South of the Border’ is Dumb
Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. RIO DE JANEIRO, Brasil (NovedadesGlossy) US opening weekend, the new Oliver Stone documentary grossed $21,545. Don’t let that low gross fool you; this film is highly gross. It’s grosser than…
GOP Rakes Obama for Buying 3 ‘Racist’ Kringles
RACINE, Wisconsin (GlossyNews) — On the way into the city of Racine, Wisconsin from the Milwaukee airport, President Obama was googling around on his Blackberry and he found a local pastry shop. From there, everything started to go wrong.