Category: Society
Millions of Children Suddenly Disappear and Reappear While Getting Dressed
Parents are still coping with the devastation left by this morning’s widespread disappearance of children across the US. Panic swept the nation as millions of households counted the youngest members of their families among those missing. “He was there one…
Target Changes Employee Uniforms – Red Shirts No Longer Safe
After multiple deaths, Target has decided to make a change in the uniforms of it’s employees. This decision was made once the connection of the uniforms was made to Star Trek. It is well known that any crew wearing a…
Lunch Lady Bribes Bullies to Harass Her … Profit
Scandal visited peaceful Mayfield, Ohio this week with news Agnes Javits has been dismissed from Warner Oland Elementary School. With over forty years in cafeteria service, beloved ‘Miss A’ was easily the most recognized town resident, having served lunch to…
Who Gives a Wiki?
A recent poll has shown that over 95% of the world population neither knows nor cares about the site ‘wikileaks’ In research carried out by the ‘Blue Sky Black Heart’ think tank has shown that nobody really cares about the…
FBI Paints Up, Infiltrates Insane Clown Posse
The F.B.I. reports that they have their hands full with the notorious street gang, the Juggalos aka Insane Clown Posse (ICP) fans. The Bureau defines ICP fans as a “loosely-organized hybrid gang,” that “exhibits gang-like behavior and engages in criminal…
Commencement Speech Breaks Bad, Suggests Seppuku
Steeped in tradition, Flaverhaven College favors seasoned citizens as commencement speakers. Sources close to the story say if but for the untimely passing of Gore Vidal, none of the unfortunate events would’ve happened. Founded in 1712 by pacifist Quakers who…
Batmobus?
Proving that we can all have car trouble from time to time Gotham City’s central bus route was graced with the presence of the Dark Knight himself, Batman. It has been reported that at about 9:45pm the Bat signal could…
Traffic Light Nutritional Coding System Given Green Light
A new system of coding fat, sugar and salt content has been approved and would mean that all pre-packed food would have to display a colour coded guide on the front of the package. Red would mean high in fat,…
Cheetos Deadly? Widow Suggests ‘Yes’
A post-mortem has revealed that 55-year-old banker, George Wellford, from New York choked to death on a Cheeto. The results come after 3 days of debate as to whether it was in fact a Cheeto or, as his wife insisted,…
Think You Know Canada, eh? 7 Northern Neighbor Myths
The United States shares a border with its neighbor to the north, Canada, that’s 5,525 miles long – or if you happen to be Canadian, that’s 8,891 kilometers – not that anybody really uses kilometers, mind you. Did you know…