FBI Paints Up, Infiltrates Insane Clown Posse

The F.B.I. reports that they have their hands full with the notorious street gang, the Juggalos aka Insane Clown Posse (ICP) fans. The Bureau defines ICP fans as a “loosely-organized hybrid gang,” that “exhibits gang-like behavior and engages in criminal activity and violence.”

Things have gotten so out of hand that the F.B.I. has shifted undercover agents in the Kiss Army to infiltrate Juggalo subsets. F.B.I. Director, Robert Mueller stated “These lousy kids and their Rock N’ Roll are a menace! I swear to bring down the full weight of the F.B.I. on these clowns.”

An inside source sighted Meuller’s long held hatred of clowns saying “Lil’ Robbie hated clowns ever since his parents divorced over an affair between his mother and a rodeo clown from West Virginia.”

The F.B.I . recently raided an ICP compound in Detroit. Several rap fans were wearing clown make-up and listening to loud music in their trailer park. One agent, who we will call Major Bludd said “We had to come down hard on these ICP fans. Their neighbors have been complaining about loud music for weeks, and the local police were all too busy writing traffic tickets.”

The gang’s de-facto leaders Violent J and Shaggy 2 dope remain defiant in the face of the feds. According to J “Let’s get this straight, a Juggalo is not a gang member.” He went on to say that ICP has become an institution “Some of these people… have been working here for 20 years. That’s their career now. They have kids, and wives, and husbands. Next thing you know, they’re working for a gang.”

The Insane Clown Posse is dedicated to protecting the good name of Juggalos everywhere. They plan on doin’ the American thing by suing the F.B.I.. They have also started a site http://juggalosfightback.com/ where fans can fill out the Juggalo Legal Action Questionaire. According to the site “If you or someone you know have suffered any negative consequence with a governmental representative, including law enforcement, border patrol, airline security, or other local, state or federal governmental agency or employee as a result of your status as a Juggalo, we want to know about it.”

Author: phaust13

Jeremiah Pinkard is an obscure political satirist/political commentator from Virginia Beach, Virginia. He has been rejected and dejected by several prominent publications including Creative Loafing and Rolling Stone. He is currently the editor/webmaster/only contributing author for BlueScholarBlog.wordpress.com.

6 thoughts on “FBI Paints Up, Infiltrates Insane Clown Posse

  1. As always thank you Brian fro publishing my work. I’m not a Juggalo, but I listened to ICP as a teen. I think it’s a waste of the FBI’s resources to persecute musicians and their fans. It’s like John Lennon all over again.

  2. first of all as a mom of 3 im proud to be a juggalette i swing my hatchet an wear my paint with pride WE ARE NOT A F****** GANG WE ARE FAMILY i think the fbi needs to focus on murderers illegals an shit that counts ive been down since tha jump an @ brian k white its close minded ppl like u that is uneducated on the subject are u a gang member cuz u put on ur cowboy hat an go line dacing exactly so dont judge what u dont understand we stand tall an proud whoop whoop **mmfwcl** haters jump off

  3. As a juggalo I find this pretty damn funny. Coworker sent it to me said it would piss me off but it doesn’t. It’s good.

  4. I don’t get Juggalos. I’ve never been a fan of anything enough to dress up in costume, but it truly boggles the mind when the band in question is Insane Clown Posse… they just aren’t that good.

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