Category: Kidz Zone
Libraries- The Great Whores Of The Literary World
There used to be a sanctuary to which you could retire for that most blessed and peaceful of soul satisfying balms- silence. This sanctuary was known as a ‘library’ and throughout the world they could be considered a trustworthy and…
Yes I Can: President Obama Decides to Become Kindergarten Chanter
When President Obama’s presidency finishes, he won’t be out of a job. Well, he might be out of a job before his Presidency finishes, if the Republicans succeed in impeaching him. Still, the President says that whenever he leaves the…
Kerry Orders Airstrikes on Charlie
Everybody (more or less) seems to love Charlie, the moody animated horse from Sugarcandy Mountain; yet, it seems he hasn’t got a friend in John Kerry, as you’ll read. Really? Can that really be possible? Well, the notoriously ranty and…
Sex Crazed Teens “Syruping” Leads to Genital Ants
One invariable about teens is that, whether raised in the abstinence-only belt of high teen birth rates, or normal states, kids be getting down and dirty. This latest crazy craze involves young girls, often those from the flag team, dousing…
Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf
There’s nothing elegant about a three-year-old putting madly at a ball he can’t seem to square up on, but it seems one channel has gone the extra mile by making him an internet sensation. The golfer in question is a…
Child Labor Now Used in Every Sector, Even Accounting (Video Exclusive)
There was a time when children were free to play in the fields they tilled, learn skills in the factories that employed them, or even frolic on the sets of such films as Home Alone and The Sixth Sense. The…
How Old is Too Old for an iPhone?
Oberlin, OH — Annabel Smith, local 2 year old, coos as she goes through her mother’s iPhone, the screen illuminating her round face. The iPhone is well equipped with several apps specifically for babies, such as Dora’s Ballet Adventure, and…
Douch-Dad Doesn’t Arrive to Daughter’s Ballet Recital; Vagina Syndrome Suspected
A stereotypical middle class Caucasian father, owner of three adorable children is still being a huge douchebag by not arriving to his little girl’s ballet recital which begins at 4 pm. When asked on who was going to arrive to…
Fourteen-Year-Old Florida Boy Expelled for being Named Joffrey
Fourteen year old Joffrey Stevens of Astapor High School was instantly expelled today once it became clear that he shared his name with the infamous Game of Thrones king, and all round hated guy, Joffrey Baratheon. Young Joffrey Stevens had…
Christmas Eve Massacre Leaves 15 Dead, Red-Nosed Reindeer in Custody
A lone shooter killed 15 in a bloody Christmas Eve massacre at the North Pole, sparking pandemonium when he lobbed a smoke bomb into a reindeer pen and opened fire from the roof atop Santa’s workshop. North Pole law enforcement…