A stereotypical middle class Caucasian father, owner of three adorable children is still being a huge douchebag by not arriving to his little girl’s ballet recital which begins at 4 pm.
When asked on who was going to arrive to pick her up, the angel of cuteness replied, “I-dunno.” Frank, a Texan citizen who is allergic to cuteness, passed away when the headline made way to his town. All friends and family mourn for his loss and blame douchebag dad.
Our team of journalists went over to Dad’s to try and get some sense of why he was such as pussy to go to his girl’s recital and his response surprised us all.
Dad’s statement was: “I have received recent news from my doctors telling me that I suffer from something called Vagina Syndrome. You see, ever since I can remember, I have always been afraid of being at unexpected places, resulting in a vagina growing within me and eventually replacing my sexual organs. There are no known cures for it, but doctors have advised me to begin doing manly things in order to save me from something much worse; becoming a woman.”
After agreeing with our staff that “women are lesser of a person” and having a few laughs, we came to terms that this poor man was just trying to save his daughter from experiencing real pain, which is being raised by a woman.
When the little girl asked if she was going to ever get her father back, I simply stated for her to stop acting like such an annoying bitch and stop complaining, but not before letting her whip her dad for being such a pussy.
Since there are no known cures for this disease, we advised Dad that it would be best for him and his kids to give in and let hell consume him. It doesn’t matter if he becomes to be a homosexual. The real struggle would be not to pass it on.
Sadly two years later, all three children had murdered “new mommy” claiming that “God told us to do so.” Upon hearing the news, the Westboro Baptist Church then proceeded to furiously masturbate in front of little boys, something that is natural to do in this church.
The Church was later presented with an award by the National Association of American Catholic Priests.