Gambling Classes to be Added to School Curriculum in 5 Different States

Stop complaining that school doesn’t prepare you for real life.

“The Real World, Real Skills Bill” has finally passed through the senate — adding gambling classes to the core curriculum of five states. The teachers are abuzz, students are excited and parents are desperately trying to figure out how they, themselves, can enroll. Read more Gambling Classes to be Added to School Curriculum in 5 Different States

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7 Best & Worst Halloween Tricks, Treats

With good ol’ Saint Hallow’s Eve fast approaching, it’s time to think about the trick and/or treaters who will soon be knocking on your door fresh-faced and pre-diabetic.

You can make a ton of friends by handing out full-sized candy bars or silver dollars, but that adds up quickly and it still won’t spare your house from egging. Not being a Phys Ed teacher is usually enough to ensure that.

So what are the best & worst things to give out this Halloween? It may surprise you but the best and worst are one and the same. Read more 7 Best & Worst Halloween Tricks, Treats

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Libraries- The Great Whores Of The Literary World

There used to be a sanctuary to which you could retire for that most blessed and peaceful of soul satisfying balms- silence.

This sanctuary was known as a ‘library’ and throughout the world they could be considered a trustworthy and guarded haven for this treasure of peace whether it be in Bangladesh or the heart of Manhattan.

There entities known as “librarians” would covet and protect this precious jewel of quietude against all assailants be they obnoxious brats, overheated fine payers or homeless wrecks. Read more Libraries- The Great Whores Of The Literary World

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Yes I Can: President Obama Decides to Become Kindergarten Chanter

When President Obama’s presidency finishes, he won’t be out of a job. Well, he might be out of a job before his Presidency finishes, if the Republicans succeed in impeaching him.

Still, the President says that whenever he leaves the Oval Office, he’s going to use skills he has already required on-the-job, in order to further advance his career.

So, look at what he has to say about this: Read more Yes I Can: President Obama Decides to Become Kindergarten Chanter

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Kerry Orders Airstrikes on Charlie


Everybody (more or less) seems to love Charlie, the moody animated horse from Sugarcandy Mountain; yet, it seems he hasn’t got a friend in John Kerry, as you’ll read.

Really? Can that really be possible? Well, the notoriously ranty and pugnacious Kerry has been spitting fire and brimstone over this despicable criminal and Enemy of the Free World: Read more Kerry Orders Airstrikes on Charlie

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Sex Crazed Teens “Syruping” Leads to Genital Ants

One invariable about teens is that, whether raised in the abstinence-only belt of high teen birth rates, or normal states, kids be getting down and dirty.

This latest crazy craze involves young girls, often those from the flag team, dousing their young male counterparts, often from track or football teams, with various sugary syrups in advance of intimate encounters. Read more Sex Crazed Teens “Syruping” Leads to Genital Ants

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Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf

There’s nothing elegant about a three-year-old putting madly at a ball he can’t seem to square up on, but it seems one channel has gone the extra mile by making him an internet sensation.

The golfer in question is a young man named Max, and apparently it’s short for Maximum Putt Swings, because this kid is a hacker on the highest order, and his swing isn’t merely unrefined, but refreshingly wild. Read more Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf

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Child Labor Now Used in Every Sector, Even Accounting (Video Exclusive)

There was a time when children were free to play in the fields they tilled, learn skills in the factories that employed them, or even frolic on the sets of such films as Home Alone and The Sixth Sense.

The modern child labor trade has taken all the fun out of preteen employment, it seems, as some are forced into the most soul-crushing of kiddo careers. Read more Child Labor Now Used in Every Sector, Even Accounting (Video Exclusive)

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Douch-Dad Doesn’t Arrive to Daughter’s Ballet Recital; Vagina Syndrome Suspected

A stereotypical middle class Caucasian father, owner of three adorable children is still being a huge douchebag by not arriving to his little girl’s ballet recital which begins at 4 pm.

When asked on who was going to arrive to pick her up, the angel of cuteness replied, “I-dunno.” Frank, a Texan citizen who is allergic to cuteness, passed away when the headline made way to his town. All friends and family mourn for his loss and blame douchebag dad. Read more Douch-Dad Doesn’t Arrive to Daughter’s Ballet Recital; Vagina Syndrome Suspected

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Christmas Eve Massacre Leaves 15 Dead, Red-Nosed Reindeer in Custody

A lone shooter killed 15 in a bloody Christmas Eve massacre at the North Pole, sparking pandemonium when he lobbed a smoke bomb into a reindeer pen and opened fire from the roof atop Santa’s workshop.

North Pole law enforcement officials said the suspect in the shooting is Rudolph L. May, though many used to laugh and call him “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,” or “the 9th reindeer.” Read more Christmas Eve Massacre Leaves 15 Dead, Red-Nosed Reindeer in Custody

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Sarah Palin Coloring Book Is Amazon’s New Top Seller

The former part-time Republican Governor of Alaska has a new coloring book called “Sarah Palin in Comparison” that broke a sales record for its publisher and now tops Amazon’s best seller list.

Earlier this month, Little Red Schoolhouse Publishing also produced “Ted Cruz to the Future,” a “comic activity book for all ages” featuring Sarah’s rival, a Lone Star currently rising in the Tea Party.

Surprisingly, the junior Republican Senator’s coloring book was a Texas-sized hit for the company, and became Amazon’s number one seller at the time. Read more Sarah Palin Coloring Book Is Amazon’s New Top Seller

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Warming Arctic Ocean Causes Santa To Move Operations To South Pole

Old Nick has been having a hard time of it. His North Pole sweat shops, …er…, workshops have been becoming wet-shops due to the the melting of the sea ice of the arctic.

“It has just become impossible! I have been bitching to the industrial nations of the world for centuries to ease up on the pollution and the CO2 emissions and they listen like an Eskimo with his ear frozen to his cell phone.

“I stopped giving the CEO’s and the upper employees any Christmas gifts decades ago, but they get so much dough and goodies from ripping off the taxpayers and government cronies that they don’t even notice!” Read more Warming Arctic Ocean Causes Santa To Move Operations To South Pole

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Contest: Bet You Cannot Spot the Difference

You’ll want to enlarge it (by clicking on the image) and study it studiously. The first reader to write back to me with the difference will receive a $20 Visa gift card. Can you spot the difference, or do you have to cheat?

CLICK the image to enlarge it and see it full-size.

NOTE: Reader Erickj2 snapped up the prize within mere seconds of going live, apparently by simply reading the footer of the graphic.

Brian is on temporary personal leave but has left us with an innumerous backlog of comics to share until his return. Check back for daily updates.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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