Posted in Opinion/Editorial Politics

Voters to Presidential Candidates: “Get Back to Work… You’re a Year Early!”

Everywhere, USA- Fresh of the heels of the first round of debates among Democratic Presidential hopefuls, and the “official” launch of President Donald Trumps re-election campaign, it appears the 2020 Presidential Campaign is in full swing. On the Democratic side,…

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GOP
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Senate Republicans Blame Dems for Failed Budget Negotiations with White House

Washington, DC- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) lashed out at Senate Democrats today, after his fellow Republicans failed to reach an agreement on a long term military funding bill with White House negotiators, resulting in a reported physical altercation…

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Posted in Politics

Hot Off The Press… Oops, Census Citizenship Question Remains!

Washington, DC- Fresh off a Supreme Court ruling which temporarily banned a citizenship question from appearing on the 2020 Census, U.S. Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross confirmed to members of the media on Tuesday that the government printing presses had…

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President Putin
Posted in Politics Top Stories War Zone

SPACE PIRATE PUTIN Dumps Nuclear Treaty with America… Trump Buzzing, Whole World Fuzzing!

Moscow, RU- On Wednesday, rugged Russian President and self-styled hyper-masculine space pirate Vladimir Putin signed a bill that officially withdrew Russia from the 1987 Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty (IRNFoT); bringing to an end, the end of the Cold War. It…

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Toilet
Posted in Entertainment Politics

RUSH LIMBAUGH BLUNDER! “Drinking Toilet Water a Step Up For Migrants… & it Tastes Great!

Palm Beach, FL- Conservative firebrand and longtime hate addict, Rush Limbaugh, managed to get the attention of non-right wing extremists on Tuesday, when he made a series of potentially racist comments regarding a congress woman, and detainees housed at a…

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Trump Pence
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Entertainment

James Cameron Announces “New” New Terminator Movie

Wairarapa, New Zealand- On Thursday, famed filmmaker and professional submarine pilot James Cameron announced plans to reboot his Terminator franchise, after rabid fan boys pushed back against the trailer of his long awaited sequel to T2: Judgement Day, Terminator: Dark…

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Posted in Top Stories War Zone

Iran to US: “Thanks for the New Drone Tech!”

Washington, DC- On Thursday evening, moments before he was to order an air strike against Iran, President Donald Trump received a letter of thanks from the President of Iran, Hassan Rouhani, for sharing the latest in American drone technology, after…

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Posted in Politics Top Stories

More Fucking LIES: President Denies His Re-Election Campaign Started in 2017!!!

Orlando, FL- The script read almost exactly the same… minus the “rapists.” The expired, irrelevant chants of “Lock her up,” rang out from the frenzied mob, blissfully unconcerned by the absolute silliness of the scene. They had waited for days…

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Posted in Human Interest Society Top Stories

Millennial Children Demand Parents Pay for Relocation As Tensions In the Gulf Grow

Salem, OR- As tensions between the United States and Iran continue to flare after the latest attack on an American drone, more and more millennial children are demanding that Mom and Dad pay to send them away before war is…

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Harriet Tubman note
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Mnuchin Passes on Tubman, Offers Trump as Compromise for New $20

Washington, DC- On Thursday, Secretary of the Treasury, Steven Mnuchin, announced he had scrapped plans to release an updated $20 bill featuring the likeness of famed American abolitionist Harriet Tubman, sighting security issues with the design. The new bill had…

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Posted in Politics Top Stories

WTF?! Trump Fox & “Fiends” Interview Goes Off the Rails on a Crazy Train!

Washington, DC- On Friday, during a wild interview with Fox and Fiends host Ainsley Earhardt, President Donald Trump openly challenged House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to begin Articles of Impeachment, repeatedly challenged the House Speaker’s “manhood,” discussed the Art of the…

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Posted in Society

By the Grace of Sean (Bad Poetry for Bad Media)

Bellicose, via mega phone, go… Secure your homes, Holmes, Cause you’re all alone, Jones All the skin and bones talk, All them victims criss-crossed… With their children en tow… They tried to cross the road!   By the grace of…

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Posted in Politics Top Stories

McCain Gives “Thanks” From The Grave

Annapolis, MD- On Friday morning, former POW, Senator, and one-time Republican Party Presidential nominee John McCain, threw the world into a frenzy, when he rose from his grave, to apparently address comments made by President Donald “John” Trump, earlier this…

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Posted in Crime Health

New AG Barr to Charge “Oxy Doc” with 200,000 Counts of Manslaughter

Washington, DC – A spokesperson for recently confirmed US Attorney General William Barr, acknowledged on Saturday, plans by the US Attorneys office to file 200,000 counts of manslaughter against Purdue Pharma executive, Dr. Richard Sackler, whose most popular product, OxyContin,…

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Posted in Politics Television

Glossy News Exclusive: Sean Hannity’s Secret… That Everybody Already Knows

Washington, DC- For most Americans, Sean Hannity is known as a fiery conservative mouth piece who nightly uses his influence to stoke the fires of division, with the subtlety and nuance of a sloppy wet fart. But behind those pearly…

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

Cake Monster and His Creamy Lips

Leaders of the planet: Eaters of Golden Filigree accented treats. (They ask) “Who the hell needs to eat? We could all stand to lose… a couple L Bs.” With the butternut creme

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Posted in Human Interest Society

One Family’s Intolerance Toward Intolerance

Orange County, CA- “My grandfather was bald, so was his Da… so is mine,” Jake Collins tells me as he runs a tattooed hand across his shiny pink scalp. “It’s kinda a family trait, like diabetes, quick tempers, and tattoos,”…

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Posted in Politics Top Stories

Build A WALL… And Crime Will FALL (Bring Our Lost Jobs Back)

Authors note: Ghost-written for the Prez.   The Rapists stand, Right behind the gates. They’re looking for breaks In the links of chain.  

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Posted in Science Technology

Elitist Aliens? UFO Abductors Finally Turn Their Backs on Rural Working Class!

Moreauville, LA-  “I was heading up State Route 1 from Baton Rouge, after visiting my sister and her kids. It was getting pretty late, and I’d had a couple of brews before I’d left, so when I seen the bright…

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Posted in Crime Politics

Glossy News Exclusive Leak! ‘Rudy Giuliani Defense’ Finally Revealed!

Washington, DC- After months of seemingly incoherent and contradictory explanations, including this weekends bombshell revelation by the Presidents personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who admitted in a televised interview on Sunday, that President Donald Trump had ongoing contact with Vladimir Putin-connected…

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