New AG Barr to Charge “Oxy Doc” with 200,000 Counts of Manslaughter

Washington, DC – A spokesperson for recently confirmed US Attorney General William Barr, acknowledged on Saturday, plans by the US Attorneys office to file 200,000 counts of manslaughter against Purdue Pharma executive, Dr. Richard Sackler, whose most popular product, OxyContin, has been identified as one of the main contributors to the nation’s opioid epidemic.

“There is an opioid epidemic that has swept across this nation over the last 20 years.” Attorney General spokesperson Janna Davis told reporters from the steps of the District Courthouse in Washington DC. “It has resulted in the deaths of over 200,000 Americans, and there is no sign the situation is improving. AG Barr recognizes this situation for what it is… corporate sponsored manslaughter. We have identified the individual who we feel has been the largest contributor to this epidemic, and have every intention of prosecuting this person to the greatest extent of the law. Dr. Sackler… we’re coming for you.”

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Glossy News Exclusive: Sean Hannity’s Secret… That Everybody Already Knows

Washington, DC- For most Americans, Sean Hannity is known as a fiery conservative mouth piece who nightly uses his influence to stoke the fires of division, with the subtlety and nuance of a sloppy wet fart. But behind those pearly white capped teeth, that perfectly coiffed hair piece, and that ‘more square than square’ jaw line, Sean Hannity is hiding a terrible secret.

“His mouth smells like a butt hole,” Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace confided to me last week as we sipped Bloody Mary’s and nibbled on Gorgonzola cheese. “It’s why the bulk of his interviews take place via satellite. Most guests say yes to an in studio visit the first time they’re invited… But rarely do they say yes a second time.”

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One Family’s Intolerance Toward Intolerance

Orange County, CA- “My grandfather was bald, so was his Da… so is mine,” Jake Collins tells me as he runs a tattooed hand across his shiny pink scalp. “It’s kinda a family trait, like diabetes, quick tempers, and tattoos,” He pulls up his sleeve to show off more of his ink, then frames his face with hands marked HATE and EVIL, then flashes a quick smile that’s equal parts gold and mischief.

“Great grandpa Seamus, the first Collins to call America home was more of a dabbler when it came to working the needle. He worked a hot brand for the K Ranch in Kansas City, markin’ steer for his keep. Tattooing for him I think was just a release valve. That is, until grandpa Jack came around and took an early interest in the craft.”

“My daughter Kaylee is no different. She designed this in kindergarden,” he says, and shows me a lopsided hopscotch board that covers his right forearm. Read more One Family’s Intolerance Toward Intolerance

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Elitist Aliens? UFO Abductors Finally Turn Their Backs on Rural Working Class!

Moreauville, LA-  “I was heading up State Route 1 from Baton Rouge, after visiting my sister and her kids. It was getting pretty late, and I’d had a couple of brews before I’d left, so when I seen the bright light appear in the sky above, I thought my eyes were just playing tricks on me. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Meet Roger Kosnik, a handyman man from central Louisiana who claims that he was nearly abducted by a UFO late, last Thursday night.

“My truck all of the sudden died, then I was blasted with a bright blue light. Musta been a tractor beam or something, ’cause I felt the suspension of the Dodge give, then we started to lift off the ground.”

I asked Roger if he had been abducted by an UFO.

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Glossy News Exclusive Leak! ‘Rudy Giuliani Defense’ Finally Revealed!

Washington, DC- After months of seemingly incoherent and contradictory explanations, including this weekends bombshell revelation by the Presidents personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who admitted in a televised interview on Sunday, that President Donald Trump had ongoing contact with Vladimir Putin-connected Russians for the duration of his Presidential campaign… Some recently leaked Trump Organization internal documents reveal key details regarding the strategy behind the President’s unorthodox defense. We spoke to a source within the Trump Organization, who verified these details on the condition of anonymity.

According to series of emails sent on April 8th of 2017, two (unidentified) White House lawyers were growing more and more concerned with the direction of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation, and had made the determination that if the investigation continued to proceed on it’s current trajectory, the President and his children, were likely to face criminal charges in the months leading up to the 2018 mid-term election.

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