Posted on 07 July 2014.
Announcer: Continuing their “Yucky World” interview with network programmer Seymour Dooless, Dick and Janey will be using examples of televised sexual situations.
Dick: We’ve brought a TV monitor into our studio so that we can show scenes from some typical TV shows.
Janey: Our first show is the daytime soap opera, “The Young and the Feckless”. Let’s see what’s going on.
She #2: Well, he kept bugging me, and we kept getting closer and closer, and finally we did it.
She #1: Did you use any protection?
She #2: Why? They never do on TV.
She #1: Right.
She #2: I can’t wait until I turn sixteen, so I can really start dating.
Janey: No surprises there. Any comments, Mr. Dooless?
Dooless: Well, this doesn’t have any influence on children because they’re at school when it’s on TV.
Janey: What if they record it?
Dooless: Then it’s their parents’ responsibility.
Dick: Gee, I never knew any girls like that when I was in high school.
Dick: What about summer vacation?
Dooless: Kids are outside playing during the summer.
Janey: Playing what? Doctor?
Dick: We used to play “Doctor” when I was a kid, but I never got a chance to understand the game.
Janey: Still no surprises.
Dick: I was the outside security guard for our clubhouse hospital. It was pretty quiet in there, so the game couldn’t have been much fun.
Janey: Su-u-re, Dick. Now, let’s take a look at our second selection, the prime time series, “Let My Family Be”.
She: He only tries to sneak out once a week to see his mistress.
He: Can’t you encourage him to go out more?
She: He might get suspicious.
He: I’ve missed you so, Darling!
She: It’s been so long, Dear!
Dick: Does this kind of stuff with mistresses really go on?
Janey: More than you might think, Dick. Especially on TV!
Dick: Well, can a single man have a mistress or do you have to be married?
Janey: Why don’t you ask your mother, Dick?
Dick: She’d just tell me to ask my father.
Dick: He’d just tell me to watch more TV and ask fewer questions.
Dooless: You have to remember, this is an evening show. It’s up to parents if they want their children to see it. Besides, some of us view these affairs as nothing more than peccadillos.
Dick: Well, why can’t they pick on something other than a dillo?
These are actual screen grabs from Days of Our Lives. Too hot to handle, according to some.