“It’s a Metaphor for Like… Life,” Explains Stoned Teen

Friday, 12:40 P.M.

THROOP, PA – Kyle Wexler, a local teen who had been smoking pot, explained to a group of bewildered family members who were watching “The Wheel of Fortune” that the popular game show hosted by Pat Sajak, was “… a metaphor for like… life.”

He continued to make his case despite being met with deep skepticism. “Just think about it. We have these seasons of fortune when crop yields are good, and everything seems to be going our way. Then we have these seasons of misfortune where there’s famine and suffering and pain. And sometimes we go bankrupt. Like, is all this fortune and misfortune laid out for us in some sort of preconceived plan? A lot of us think that it’s our doing. But maybe it’s all just a function of the wheel.”

Kyle’s Aunt Barb recounted her response. “I’m not really sure what he was talking about, but I tried to explain to him that I don’t think there are metaphors in game shows. It’s just contestants competing for prizes.”

Christine Wexler, Kyle’s cousin, shared a similar view. “Vanna White started flipping over the tiles, and Kyle goes, ‘It’s ironic how she just listens to the wheel.’ I was like, ‘Kyle, are you stoned again? She’s flipping over the tiles because the contestants guessed letters. And there’s nothing ironic. They’re guessing letters because they want to win the game. It’s very straightforward.’”

The Wexler family agrees that while they are not scholars, they can easily determine that “The Wheel of Fortune” is not a metaphor for life and that Kyle’s stoned pseudo-depth is charming no one.

Author: Matthew Casey

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