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Famed Aviator Capt. Clarence Oveur Dead at 83

Famed Aviator Capt. Clarence Oveur Dead at 83

POMONA, CA (GlossyNews) — Captain Clarence Oveur, an aviation legend, has died of a heart attack. He was 83.

Oveur was one of the heroes responsible for the successful landing of distressed Trans American flight 209 to Chicago in 1980. Continue Reading

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Experts Predict Growth in Prediction Sector

Experts Predict Growth in Prediction Sector

Boca Raton, FL (GlossyNews) The Association for Pseudo-Intellectual Predictions held its annual conference in Boca Raton, Florida this weekend. Attendance was much higher than event organizers had anticipated.

Keynote speaker Adam Lambert delivered an optimistic yet cautionary tone to the assembled APIP members. Reading from stuff written on his hand Mr. Lambert said, “Yes these are the golden days for the worthless prediction industry. Continue Reading

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Book Excerpt – Chicken Butt; The Story of a Man (4 of 4)

Book Excerpt – Chicken Butt; The Story of a Man (4 of 4)

This is an excerpt from N. A. Kay’s newly published illustrated novel Chicken Butt; The Story of a Man, illustrated by Daniel Meisels.

***

Standing up to Intelligence

Chicken Butt thought he was smart, intelligent, insightful, and many other positive adjectives, but – as we all know – he was a contemptible chicken of a man. C. B.’s ego was always thinking up new ways to reinforce Chicken Butt’s bloated perception of himself. Actually, C. B.’s ego was really quite brilliant at it – as we have already seen. Anyways, C. B.’s ego, which for the purposes of this story we will refer to as The Great One from here on out, was lounging around dreaming up new ways to trick a loathsome chicken into believing that he was made for and of greatness. Continue Reading

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Lindsay Sues Lohan for Suing E-Trade Over Commercial

Lindsay Sues Lohan for Suing E-Trade Over Commercial

LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Troubled 23-year-old celebrity Lindsay Lohan has filed a lawsuit against E-Trade for allegedly using her name in its latest commercial about a boyfriend-stealing baby with a substance abuse problem. The substance in question being milk. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip7 Comments

Limbaugh Draws Outrage from International Sources

Limbaugh Draws Outrage from International Sources

UN HEADQUARTERS, NEW YORK — In an amazing show of quick response today, the governments of Canada, Great Britain, Costa Rica and Cuba introduced a resolution into the United Nations proceedings that bans Rush Limbaugh from entering their countries over the next 10 years.

The UN Ambassador of Canada, John McNee, spoke as the head of the new organization, Globally Ban Limbaugh Travel Quickly, a/k/a GBLTQ — not to be confused with GLBTQ, a national organization of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer men and women. Continue Reading

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Elton John Calls Jesus Gay, Muslims Enraged

Elton John Calls Jesus Gay, Muslims Enraged

LONDON, U.K. (GlossyNews) — Elton John, no stranger to controversy, made news again this week when he called Jesus of Nazareth gay in an interview with Parade Magazine.

The statement angered many practicing Christians around the world. Catholic League President Bill Donohue said John’s claim implies that “the Messiah was a person who preached water and drank wine.” But Donohue also commented that it would be pointless to ask for an apology. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music, Society2 Comments

Sarah Palin and Entourage Spotted Stocking Up at the Oscars

Sarah Palin and Entourage Spotted Stocking Up at the Oscars

Hollywoodland Early reports out of Los Angeles have Sarah Palin mit entourage stocking up on luxury items at the pre-Oscars Gifting Suite hosted by Silver Spoon; however a Silver Spoon spokesperson says she was gracious and kind while she was taking, not grabby like some have accused.

Some eye-witnesses disagree. “It was like a scene right out of the Ten Commandments,” said Mitzi Hermozen, a well-heeled vendor handing out luxury manicure products at the suite. Continue Reading

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The Smiths Reunite After 23 Years for New Album

The Smiths Reunite After 23 Years for New Album

LONDON, UK (GlossyNews) — Alternative music pioneers Morrissey and Johnny Marr, co-founders of The Smiths, have announced the long-awaited reunion of the band.

The Smiths were an English rock group formed in Manchester in 1982, driven by the songwriting partnership of Steven Morrissey (vocals) and Johnny Marr (guitar). Continue Reading

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Blues Legend “Deaf Willie” Johnson Dies

Blues Legend “Deaf Willie” Johnson Dies

HAZLEHURST, MS (GlossyNews) — Sources close to GlossyNews confirm that today one of the most influential voices in Delta Blues has gone to heaven. Or so we hope.

The oldest child of sharecroppers Sam and Thelma Johnson, “Deaf Willie” never let his disability hold him back. According to his sister, Sandra Johnson-Morgenstern, a vice president who oversees new acquisition leverage at Goldman Sachs, Willie enjoyed all forms of music from an early age, even though he couldn’t hear any of it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Music3 Comments

Book Excerpt – Chicken Butt; The Story of a Man (3 of 4)

Book Excerpt – Chicken Butt; The Story of a Man (3 of 4)

This is an excerpt from N. A. Kay’s newly published illustrated novel Chicken Butt; The Story of a Man, illustrated by Daniel Meisels.

***

The Flies and the Bugs

As I’ve mentioned many a time before, Chicken Butt, though he was a chicken, wasn’t an ordinary chicken. When he was entering adolescence he heard many ideas of what it meant to be a man, and, as most of us know, most of them revolve around sex. But Chicken Butt didn’t really get the idea of sex because he’s a chicken and everyone else was human – none of the females from his species were around. As such, he was much more interested in other male phenomenon. And from his pea-brained cognitive abilities, he came up with a theory, a theory to explain a male conundrum to men, women and humankind alike. He took it so seriously that he even wrote it down. Here it is for your viewing pleasure: Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc1 Comment

McCain’s Centerfold Will Pistol Whip the Competition

McCain’s Centerfold Will Pistol Whip the Competition

PHOENIX, AZ — Former Faux-Con presidential candidate and current Senator John McCain is running scared in his home state these days against a teabagger-type radio talkshow host who boasts of his plans to put Senator McCain down!

“Nothin’ doin’! This guy ain’t gonna take MY Senate seat away from me,” said a disgruntled McCain at a press conference today. “I’m bringin’ in the big guns here. Scott and Sarah. It’s high noon! The two top vote getters in the whole country are comin’ in to help get me — yes, me, re-elected.” Continue Reading

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Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence

Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence

Pahrump, NV In one of his many “I told you so” moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start to happen.

Boasting a 100% accuracy rate, Beck claimed that he is a hundred times better at predicting things than any psychic. “For years, I’ve been telling my viewers how fed up they are and how screwed they should feel, and now, after this past election, how I thought things were going to get ugly. Continue Reading

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Posted in Television0 Comments

Bill O’Reilly Welcomes Conan O’Brien To FOX

Bill O’Reilly Welcomes Conan O’Brien To FOX

LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Bill O’Reilly, whom Jon Stewart recently praised as FOX network’s “voice of reason,” welcomed former NBC talk show host Conan O’Brien to FOX last night. In a pre-recorded segment that aired during The O’Reilly Factor, the show’s namesake reminded his audience that O’Brien once worked for FOX as a writer for The Simpsons, before “that unfortunate marijuana business.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television1 Comment

Reality TV Threatens Realness Of Real Reality

Reality TV Threatens Realness Of Real Reality

Reality shows have created an artificial reality that threatens to overtake real reality. Television execs have created a monster and loosed it upon the public.

Reality shows plunge real people into an artificial situation, much like a cook shocks vegetables. Most people who have an audience staring at them will use their “game faces” and try to project an image that puts them in the best light. Continue Reading

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Posted in Television1 Comment

Kevin Smith Made to Purchase Two Seats at Sushi Bar

Kevin Smith Made to Purchase Two Seats at Sushi Bar

LOS ANGELES – The next time Kevin Smith visits If It Smells Like Fish, his favorite sushi bar in L.A., he will have to purchase two seats. According to a source close to Mr. Smith—or as close to him as one can get—Benny Hanna, manager of the popular eatery, informed the mountainous director of the decision by e-mail yesterday. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Talky Pictures0 Comments

David Cassidy More Popular than Sarah Palin?

David Cassidy More Popular than Sarah Palin?

Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) — The Republican National Committee (RNC), in a move that now appears to have backfired, recently conducted a number of related polls designed to demonstrate the popularity of Sarah Palin. The RNC refuses to release the data officially, but sources within the RNC’s central council have revealed that Americans chose aging pop star David Cassidy nearly 2 to 1 over the fading politician. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment2 Comments

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