Categorized | Internets Tubes, Religionism

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down

Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

In a surprising move as a result of this development, God has stepped down as the Supreme Force of the Universe. Asked to make a public statement about this unexpected change, God refused at first to answer reporters’ questions.

After a few hours He did appear before the cameras stating that He was tired, having only had one day’s real rest since He created the Universe, and was considering retirement.

Reporters noted that He seemed a bit unkempt and depressed during the announcement, a sign that the whole Google thing had come as an emotional blow to Him. Speculation has it that the Almighty found it humiliating that a development from the humans He Himself had created would outdo Him in the knowledge game.

Executives over at Google has issued a reserved press statement stating that “…while we are pleased that we are now the recognized authority on information from end to end in the universe, we are sorry to hear of the departing of God who we have always respected and admired even though most of us are agnostics.”

Circulating rumors have it that all the higher-ups at the firm are actually going around high-fiving each other and shouting “We beat God Himself” and “We are God!” and toasting themselves silly with champagne, although they have been known in the past to do this for lesser reasons as well.

Newscasters Brian Williams and Bill O’Reilly have claimed to have made an exclusive interview with God in which He stated that He will be taking time now to write His autobiography which some have estimated will likely be the size of an entire solar system. ABC News is checking into the validity of William’s claims while FOX News is making it their banner headline of the month.

A concern is growing not only on our planet but on other inhabited ones throughout the galaxies that turmoil and anarchy will descend upon all civilizations once the Supreme Being steps down. Some are even stating that this will be the forewarned true Armageddon descending upon us.

A reliable secret source has said when asked about this God stated that “He no longer cares what mankind does with their world. He has been the big babysitter in the sky for way too long now and didn’t care if man blew himself out of existence and burned the whole schlemiel to cinders.”

We will provide more news as it occurs.

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- who has written 548 posts on GlossyNews.com.

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at http://inyear252509.wordpress.com/

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6 Responses to “Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down”

  1. Gawd says:

    This is a funny bit. If I didn’t have a sense of humor, I’d smite Minnesota and make it Alabama. Actually Minnesota is a lot like Alabama without the evangelicals. Man, those guys piss me off! You can write funny stories about me anytime Mr. Rfreed. Just don’t draw my picture.

  2. rfreed says:

    OK, Gawd.
    I promise I won’t.
    I still have the cut marks on my neck from the time I drew the picture of Allah.

  3. Da Debil says:

    Don’t even think about mocking me. When I say I’ll give you Hell if you do, it’s literal not figurative.

  4. rfreed says:

    Who cares about ‘Da Debil’?
    Satan is just a second rate, punk ‘wanna-be’ god.
    Doesn’t even rate his own book!

  5. Dante says:

    Careful rfreed. Don’t hurt Da Debil’s feelings. He’s sensitive, you know, after that ‘banned-for-life’ thing. Him and Tom Brady are in the same support group. And Johnny Bench. But not Lance Armstrong. That’s guy’s an asshole!

  6. Kilroy says:

    Go to Hell Dante.

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