Archive | Celebrity Gossip

GlossyNews Exclusive: Shots From Jim Cramer’s Wedding

GlossyNews Exclusive: Shots From Jim Cramer’s Wedding

Summit, New Jersey – “Boo-yah!” The popular Mad Money host shouted from inside the lovely ballroom at the Grand Summit Hotel after marrying Karen Backfisch-Olufsen in front of a crowd of about 200 people last Saturday.

“It’s beautiful,” guest Jon Stewart, the host of The Daily Show, tearfully expressed right before the ceremony. “Jim and I recently cleared up some beef we had from back in 2009, and in the process, rekindled a true friendship. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment0 Comments

Colbert Snubbed Unpopular Obama in Series Finale

Colbert Snubbed Unpopular Obama in Series Finale

In the series finale of The Colbert Report, dozens of musical, political, film and other celebrities made an appearance… Obama participated, but was cut from the show.

Almost 50 guests appearead live on-stage during the prolonged, rousing rendition of “We’ll Meet Again” with the addition of a number of pre-recorded segments spliced in. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television1 Comment

Sony Pulls Out Just before Big Release

Sony Pulls Out Just before Big Release

Just over a week before the climactic release of Sony Picture’s “The Interview” starring Seth Rogan and James Franco, the studio has decided to pull out.

Sony has received a serious pounding after hackers gained access to the back door of the movie studio’s network.

With releases of salaries, social security numbers, and AIM exchanges, Sony’s stock is experiencing shrinkage as hackers are expected to tear further into the private sections of Sony’s database. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Crime2 Comments

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (2)

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (2)

Who’s Gonna Fill The Blank?

Nick Griffin: UK. Former British National Party, Goosestepping Eagle-Polisher.

Pros:

1. Impeccable far left credentials:

Economic centralism. Top-down, statist, collectivist, elitist/populist, authoritarian, general chauvinist. Perfect fit for the Trot SWP/Spartacists, let alone Labour.
Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics2 Comments

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (1)

Labour Leak #68/9: Controversial Miliband Replacement Short List (1)

Thought there were no convincing(-ish) short notice candidates to replace Ed Milliband when the last-minute coup occurs?

You were wrong!

Or rather…

Subjected-By-Petty-Bourgeois-Ideology-To-The-Mystifications-Of-Late-Capitalist-False-Consciousness™.

(Huh? Anyone? Nah… me neither). Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics8 Comments

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass

Blagojevich Turns Air Blue, Flame-Grills Gordon Ramsay’s Ass

Rod Blagojevich hasn’t been content with his recent numerous high profile media appearances.

You know, Celebrity Apprentice, biased FOX/MSNBC news reports, Oprah Winfrey…

And even the “Wanted” posters pinned up in a certain large urban settlement in Illinois.

So he’s decided that in order to really hit the big-time again, and be “wanted” in a much “nicer” way, an appearance on Celebrity Career Re-boot (Culinary Version) was a pressing necessity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television0 Comments

ISIS Targets U.S. Comicbook Market

ISIS Targets U.S. Comicbook Market

ISIS is reported to be using old established oil smuggling routes to sell oil on the black market for millions of dollars. While that certainly is a lot of money, it is insignificant compared to the market they are currently tapping. Comics.

While CIA analysts concede that ISIS is the best funded, most sophistocated terror network the world has ever seen, they conclude, “They ain’t Hydra”. This may appear reassuring, but when one considers the fact that Hydra does not exist and ISIS does, it brings into question the CIA’s grip on reality. Then things got weirder.

Additional revelations coming out of the CIA recently point to a huge strike in the U.S. by ISIS aimed squarely at the comicbook industry. According to a classified CIA report uncovered by The National Enquirer, ISIS has been cultivating disaffected youth in the U.S. for several years.

“The largest repository of aimless, disassociated, anti-social or simply socially inept males of low intelligence, high gullibility and no girlfriends is in the comicbook demographics,” said Dr. Gunter Chang, Director of Cognitive Studies at the Central Intelligence Agency. “This makes them wide open for any type of depraved imagery and twisted reality.”

“But enough preaching about Seth Rogen! Let me be blunt!” Chang continued. “Youth that shuts out reality playing games comprise only 13% of successful recruiting efforts by ISIS. That’s because at least they are doing something. Porn aficionados make up less than 1%. Joysticks aside, the comicbook demographics make up the rest. The radicalization potential of an empty vessel approaches infinity in the presence of a cataylst like glossy-over-stylized-pseudo-violent-make-believe.”

Others at the CIA claim to have uncovered ISIS connections in a string of what were initally thought to be unreated events of vandelism and arson focused on comic resellers. The arson attacks on warehouses of Mile High Comics in Colorado and MyComicShop in Dallas, two of the largest reseller of back issues and used comics in the U.S., is only the tip of the iceberg.

‘I don’t know whether to laugh or cry,” said Chuck Rzanski, The Godfather of the industry and somewhat bi-polar owner of Mile High Comics. “All my inventory, gone in an instant, kind of like the value of Superman Vol 2 Issue# 75, The Death of Superman,” Rzanski laughed manically before pulling a gun and forcing an end to the interview.

What these high profile attacks has done is send the price of silver and copper age comics through the roof and it is believed that ISIS is selling it’s own vast comicbook collection on the black market for millions. Plus they are rumored to be launching 12 new comic titles after the first of the year.

A video released after the attack on the warehouse of Searchlight Comics in New Jersey showed a black clad teen recklessly swinging a blade around, injuring a few other black clad figures standing nearby. When the video resumed, the figure declared “Death to the U.S. comic industry!” and added, “Maybe now my freaking Punisher collection will be worth something.” He promised more attacks on comic related activities in the near future until his mother came down to the basement and made him stop.

Experts at the CIA tried to mitigate the extent of the threat. They point out that the comic industry is a very resilient hard target that has seen tougher times than this. According to counter-terrorism expert Frank Castle, “This may sound dire, but from our analysis The Punisher is never going to be worth crap!”

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Celebrity Gossip13 Comments

Poll: Over 50% of US Women Have Been Drugged, Improperly Touched by Cosby

Poll: Over 50% of US Women Have Been Drugged, Improperly Touched by Cosby

Bill Cosby’s PR nightmare has gotten worse. In addition to the original seven to fourteen women who accused the formerly beloved comedian of sexual assault, more and more women have spoken up in a show of solidarity with their abused sisters.

It has gotten to the point that pollsters estimate that half of all women in the United States now claim they were drugged and raped by Bill Cosby. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television2 Comments

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Disclaimer: An earlier version of this was previously published on TheSpoof.com. Still, the warning below about the 21st century’s deadliest rap grudge still bears repeating. Don’t say I never warned you.

OK, so right, there’s a lot of jive goin’ down about the so-called grudge between Tupac and Biggie; however, this mainstream, far-from-edgy storm in a teacup pales in comparison to the biggest, baddest rap grudge in history. Check it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Wyomissing, Pennsylvania – Professional Tailor, Bill Swift, Owner and Operator of Tailor Swift’s House of Threds, has been an expert at altering clothing since his shop first opened in June of 1979 on the corner of Reading Boulevard and Clayton Avenue in downtown Wyomissing.

Known to the locals as Tailor Swift, he has pleased thousands of customers with his precise and cost efficient tailoring, relying only on word-of-mouth advertising to increase his customer base. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music2 Comments

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?

Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears is under fire again, but this time for more than just his turnovers. After losing to Green Bay Sunday night the embattled QB tweeted, “Aaron hasn’t spanked anyone that hard since his gay roommate moved out.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals5 Comments

Syrian Rebels Beg Bono for Benefit to Save Them

Syrian Rebels Beg Bono for Benefit to Save Them

The last remnants of the allegedly “modern” and “progressive” faction of the Conspicuously Downtrodden Freedom Fighters in Syria™ have come up with a novel plan to prevent their allies in al-Qaeda from spending more time killing them than fighting President Assad.

“We asked Jabhat-al-Nusra and ISIS to come in and help us, but they turned on us and are slaughtering us like pigs,” wailed one self-styled secular militant:

“I mean, we need to find someone else who can do the job properly. We’ve invited Bono to come and save us, he’s good at that kind of thing. This is our last chance, but we believe if there is anyone at all on this earth who can help us win this war and preserve Our Common Humanity™, it’s Bono.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest0 Comments

Melissa Rivers in the Poor House due to Evil Death Taxes

Melissa Rivers in the Poor House due to Evil Death Taxes

How’s that for a clickbait headline? It’s wholly untrue, but that doesn’t stop the cash-hoarders from taking any opportunity to espouse their contra-factual nonsense.

Estate taxes serve several purposes, but I don’t want to spoil the surprise upfront, so if you promise to read down further, I’ll give you all the juicy facts you will have so richly earned. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip1 Comment

Perry/Santorum Article: Non-apology, Disclaimer, Invitation

Perry/Santorum Article: Non-apology, Disclaimer, Invitation

Santorum “living a lie all these years?”

This quotation, straight from the consummately straight-talking lips of Santorum himself, has somehow angered a crapload of irritable and highly-strung socialists™ who (charitably calculated) have only half-read my article on Rick Perry receiving a well-deserved Papal award, and Rick Santorum being passed over.

Yup; some miscellaneous and contemptible heap of predictably-uninformed-and-careless, ubiqituously-raging-web-cruisers are already quoting the foregoing quotation out of context. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Religionism0 Comments

Perry/Santorum: Top Papal Award, Christian Fakers Annihilated

Perry/Santorum: Top Papal Award, Christian Fakers Annihilated

Oh-so-conspicuously unashamed Christian, Rick Perry, is not actually painfully, embarrassingly, and conspicuously unashamed today; just plain-ol’-vanilla-grindin’ embarrassed.

Pope Francis has accidentally made Perry a Papal Knight, instead of the similarly-monikered Rick Santorum.

But far from being flattered, Perry is distinctly underwhelmed by this high accolade…

Just Google-pedia his (kind of) acceptance speech at the Vatican; the 13 dozen (-trillion-ish?) megahit Youtube postings, and thousands and thousands of thoroughly unamusing and utterly disrespectful and malicious web-parodies™… Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Religionism0 Comments

Adrian Peterson: “I Discipline My Children with Breadsticks”

Adrian Peterson: “I Discipline My Children with Breadsticks”

Minneapolis, Minnesota – Adrian Peterson has finally shed some light on the child abuse case brought against him last week that led to him being placed on the NFL’s exempt list.

“To be extremely blunt, I have always disciplined my kids by beating them with breadsticks,” Peterson said Wednesday afternoon at a news conference inside TCF Bank Stadium.

“Why do I choose breadsticks over a more lethal object? Because of their soft, buttery makeup, which is much gentler on the skin,” added Peterson before demonstrating his technique in front of the 200 people in attendance. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals3 Comments

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