Breaking News: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her

A woman from Broken Springs, Michigan has come forward to insist that Donald Trump has not groped her, despite many opportunities to do so. Allison McGregor, a 47-year-old housekeeper who used to work at Trump’s Mar-o Lago hotel/resort in Florida, told Fox News today that the real estate broker used to visit the hotel at least once a week and on exactly zero occasions did he sexually assault her. Read more Breaking News: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her

Share

Crack Bagans? Ghost Stalker Pushes Beloved Mask, Ford Ranger Off Cliff

MOUNT CHARLESTON, NV – Only hours before the series finale of his newest show Deadly Possessions was set to air, ghost hunting guru Zak Bagans could be found about 50 miles northwest of his Las Vegas museum; committing an act so unbaganslike that officials assume he was either under the influence of a mind altering substance or possessed by one of the spirits he has been molesting for so long.

Standing on the edge of a peak known as Masking Heights, elevated 9,281 feet above a rocky gorge, Bagans first tossed his beloved air mask over the edge before pushing his iconic, red 2012 Ford Ranger over and watching them both fall to their certain deaths.

In addition to the drug and possession theories, many have speculated that Bagans may be under an enormous amount of stress after a dismal first season in which he fulfilled his lifelong dream of opening a museum in downtown Las Vegas, filled with haunted and cursed objects he has collected through the years. The sixth episode in the first season is set to air on the Travel Channel tonight at 9:00pm est featuring objects that belonged to the deadly Dr. Jack Kevorkian and the late actress, Natalie Wood.

“The sheer hatred he showed towards that mask when throwing and then watching it fall to a horrible death… I’ve never seen that kind of sheer hatred before,” said park ranger, Jared Bulgovich, the sole witness of the ghastly act that has the ghost community shaken. “Everyone round these parts knows Mr. Bagans loves his air mask and is as shocked as I am!” Bulgovich added.

The co-host of the popular paranormal show Ghost Adventures, which has been on the air for 12 seasons, frequently gets criticized by viewers for over-wearing a protective mask with the intention of cleansing the air he breathes. Certain situations, such as cave and old basement investigations, require the use of such a device; but when Bagans began wearing his mask all the time, questions immediately arose. Since then, he has interrupted a wedding to proclaim love to his mask and even a performance of the musical Cats, further progressing his maskness.

While the previous events seemed to be a mere infatuation of a man in love with a poly bi-carbonate plastic mold, the most recent event tells a tale of a man in need of some serious help.

No charges have been filed yet as Bagans has received comfort from close friends, relatives and the many spirits he has connected with over the years.

Share

Interview: Katie Hopkins Educates Me on ‘Disrespectful Behaviour’

Some time ago, I posted on my Wallace Runnymede blog the following piece:

London’s Drone-Happy Cockroach Caucus Loses Its Shit (But not its Bullshit)

The “Foreign Office” in London (formerly known as Airstrip One’s Ministry for Eternal War) has recently moralistically condemned the Russian government which (according to the IntCom/ComHum party line), has “no justification” (sic) for deciding who can or cannot enter the country.

Nick Clegg can’t enter Russia? It’s political correctness gone mad, innit! It weren’t like that in the old days, mate. Read more Interview: Katie Hopkins Educates Me on ‘Disrespectful Behaviour’

Share

Bono & Peter Gabriel Slam Wagner: ‘Don’t Separate the Man from the Music’

Many music critics view Wagner’s music as problematic because of the composers’ anti-Semitic views. And yet, some argue that his classic works of opera are somehow separable from his hatred of the Jewish people.

However, not everyone agrees that this is a reasonable view; or in some cases, even a reasonable question to ask!

So, we’ve asked a couple of real music experts (not some pathetic, pedantic, mainstream, dusty old music critics), to give their two (million) cents worth on this one. Read more Bono & Peter Gabriel Slam Wagner: ‘Don’t Separate the Man from the Music’

Share

Zak Bagans Interrupts Wedding to Proclaim Love to Air Mask

Las Vegas, Nevada – Only hours before the newest episode of the long-running spook catching show, Ghost Adventures, was set to air on Saturday, the leading paranormal expert, Zak Bagans, made an announcement that he described afterwards as a “ghost he needed to get out of his closet.” The message that Bagans conveyed, his love for an air mask that was given to him as a child, came at the worst possible time for Dave Cornbeif and Natalie Muphin, who were only minutes away from being legally married at the time. Read more Zak Bagans Interrupts Wedding to Proclaim Love to Air Mask

Share

Three Women Discuss Horrific Experiences at the Hands of Roosh V (2/2)

Mitsuko told me:

Roosh approached me when I was standing outside a club. He said: ‘Listen… um, don’t be offended, but you Harujuku bitches look… uh… really, really… uh, hot. Em, yeah! I mean, uh, kind of… uh no, I mean for real! No shit!… Uh. Oh well. This isn’t really what I…. yeah well anyways! Gotta dash!’

I asked him ‘Is this how you talk to women in your own country?’

All of a sudden, he just snaps and screams:

‘WELL, SORRY IF YOU WERE OFFENDED!’

I said, ‘I am not offended, I just think you are really weird and creepy.’

At this, he said, ‘WAAAHHH! You LITERALLY just don’t understand! I’m actually a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY nice guy!’ Read more Three Women Discuss Horrific Experiences at the Hands of Roosh V (2/2)

Share

Three Women Discuss Horrific Experiences at the Hands of Roosh V (1/2)

Vaguely-non-SWP rape apologist and notable PUA wannabe Roosh V has been trying to make a name for himself in the UK recently…

Albeit with not one whit more success than the solemn-jawed, soberly Stalinistic, mournfully dick-waving Trotksyite fanatics of ‘Real Socialism.’

But what do women think about Roosh V? Here, three women tell us about Roosh’s drunken nightclub antics, in order to shine a light on the Manosphere’s sexiest thwarted frat boy lookalike. Read more Three Women Discuss Horrific Experiences at the Hands of Roosh V (1/2)

Share

Weirder Than A Stephen King Novel – A Rock Band With King and Dave Barry In It. Let Me Introduce You To The Rock Bottom Remainders

Unannounced to most of us, one of the most incredible rock and roll groups has passed before us and we didn’t even notice it. Maybe most of us were too stoned to catch it.

This group was named The Rock Bottom Remainders, and should have made the cover of the Rolling Stone, except for one problem – it was made up of mostly literary figures. The thought of listening to people involved heavily with books and articles is enough to send most hard core rockers into a catatonic state.

Stephen King, of course, is famous for his many best selling horror stories; such as Carrie, The Dead Zone, Cujo and so many others that he himself cannot remember all of them. Dave Barry is the famed humor writer who won the Pulitzer Prize for his hilarious newspaper columns, and has written several best selling books himself. (One wonders what the Pulitzer Prize statuette for humor looks like – clowns jumping out of a golden Volkwagen Beetle?) Read more Weirder Than A Stephen King Novel – A Rock Band With King and Dave Barry In It. Let Me Introduce You To The Rock Bottom Remainders

Share

Catholic Congressman Steals Pope’s Water Glass

WASHINGTON – Congressman James Bath took advantage of his proximity to Pope Francis during his address to Congress to steal the Pope’s water glass and gulp some of the sacred Washington, DC tap water.

Luckily when the Pope’s throat went dry during his speech to Congress a quick-witted intern replaced the glass with a fresh one.

Bath explained: “It’s well worth it to break one of God’s Ten Holy Commandments in order to save my soul and the souls of my family by dousing myself and my family in the Pope’s holy water.”
“Because I have to be sure that it really is the Pope’s glass, I am having it tested for fingerprints and DNA —using devoutly Catholic forensic specialists naturally. If the immortal souls of these forensic scientists are also saved via their contact with this holy water glass — I won’t call it a holy grail exactly— I don’t have a problem with that. I suppose they deserve it.” Read more Catholic Congressman Steals Pope’s Water Glass

Share

Rick Perry/Johnny Cash Article: Long-Winded Disclaimer & Non-Apology

Within seconds of publishing my article on Rick Perry as future Last Republican President and Johnny Cash Wannabe, my covert stash of hatemail, hater-mail and hateful-male-mail was inundated…

With millions upon billions of complaints about what some people considered to be a disrespectful gay come-on to Rick Perry.

Well, hey! It does appear that for some of you ‘open-minded-within-reason’ folks out there, ‘gay’ and ‘disrespectful’ are pretty synonymous. Still, let me remind you what I said last time. Read more Rick Perry/Johnny Cash Article: Long-Winded Disclaimer & Non-Apology

Share

Simon Cowell Finally on Song for UKIP

Simon Cowell used to be unjustly accused of being the UK’s nastiest and most longwinded self-styled culture expert.

So, in order to avoid the unpleasant stigma of being the nastiest man in Britain, he has finally decided to join UKIP.

Hmm… maybe he was inspired by the Fasc’ Factor event he judged not long ago? Read more Simon Cowell Finally on Song for UKIP

Share

Pregnant Bristol Palin to Replace Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White

In an unprecedented move that’s shocked the television world, Wheel of Fortune has replaced its long standing hostess Vanna White and named Bristol Palin her temporary replacement.

The move comes after a series of contract disagreements between White and ABC over salary issues and bonuses.

Vanna White has been Wheel of Fortune’s official letter turner since 1982 but recent negotiations between White’s agent and ABC collapsed late Friday, leaving the popular game show suddenly without anyone to reveal the letters to their puzzles. Read more Pregnant Bristol Palin to Replace Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White

Share