Month: January 2015
George Zimmerman Loses Guns, Gains 2003 Ford F-350
George Zimmerman, best known for shooting and killing the unarmed 17 year-old African-American Trayvon Martin, was back in a Seminole County Courthouse this week, having been arrested for and summarily convicted of aggravated assault for allegedly throwing a wine bottle…
Kimmy’s Hate Train Still Boarding Passengers
North Korean dictator and renowned chunky monkey Kim Jong Un continues on his world famous crazy train picking up more passengers at every stop. We’re making a North Korea satire film. Click here to help our fundraising! Not content with…
Nightmares Prompt Kim Jong-un to Take Up Zumba
Apparently, fear of his dead father is resurfacing in a big way and has been keeping N. Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un up nights for well over a year now. The leader is said to be suffering from an ongoing…
Misspelled Sign Places Pep Boys in Hot Water
Portland, Oregon – Manny, Moe & Jack may soon be changing their names to Fanny, Blow & Whack following the grand opening of the newest Pep Boys store on Alberta Street in downtown Portland on Saturday morning. Prior to opening…
2014 – The Year in Review: Part II (July – December)
We continue this week with Part II of Glossy News’ Year in Review for 2014. If you missed Part I, don’t worry, you didn’t miss much, but it’s here for the curious. A couple of wars, a few natural disasters…
Serial Peeping Tom “Dirty” Joe Palestine Thanks Supporters
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – In an interview with Glossy News, Middlesex Adult Corrections Facility inmate “Dirty” Joe Palestine proclaimed his innocence and announced his heartfelt appreciation for the millions of people around the world who agree that Palestine deserves his…
Report: All 24 Cosby Accusers Delusional, Conspiratorial Liars
In response to accusations of sexual assault against Bill Cosby, his lawyers have repeatedly denied, dismissed and discredited allegations. However, they have yet to address each allegation individually. Recently, we at Glossy News have discovered secret documents with the working…
Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 2/69: Jizz be Upon Me)
Tribute Encore une fois: this one’s for Charlie Hebdo. Nous sommes tous Charlie. Ok, last time you heard from the people men of wisdom; to wit, the only people who really understand enlightened fucking erudite fiqh rulings from the inside…
Islamic Terrorists Shot In Paris Arrive In Jihadist Heaven
The three Islamic assassins who killed French citizens at Charlie Hebdo and a Jewish delicatessen arrive at the destination they had given their lives for, the Jihadist heaven promised them. An angel greets them as they arrive. “Welcome gentlemen. I…
Khomeinisexuality: Meet Iran’s Radical Love-Cleric (Part 1/69: Jizz Be Upon Him)
Tribute This one’s for Charlie Hebdo. Nous sommes tous Charlie. OK, we all know about the obviously malicious and unproven allegations of gratuitously gratifyingly enlightened fatwas on “I’m-a-sexin’ that damn fine chicken” that have been directed at Imam Love Doctor…