Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’

Boston – Liberals are seething over the Supreme Court decision which allows Hobby Lobby to not have to offer certain birth control products which they believe induce abortions and which violate their religious beliefs.

Hateful people took to twitter after the decision was announced and threatened to “burn down Hobby Lobby stores across the country.” Read more Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’

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Billions Happy During World Cup

RIO DE JANEIRO – Billions of football fans across the world are incredibly happy about the month-long distraction from serious news during the World Cup tournament.

“The fact that Russia might start invading Ukraine any minute now is simply not interesting compared to van Persie’s incredible header goal in the opening Netherlands – Spain World Cup match,” said Johan Kuiper of Amsterdam. Read more Billions Happy During World Cup

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Nancy Pelosi to Reprise Role in Sequel to Brazil Movie

Hollywood – Nancy Pelosi has agreed to appear in the sequel to the 1985 movie, Brazil. The trippy movie based on George Orwell’s book, 1984, is scheduled to be released in late 2015.

Pelosi appeared in the original film to play Mrs. Ida Lowry whose most famous scene shows the woman’s face being stretched like Silly Putty.

The casting is a coup for the studio because of the untold thousands of dollars they will save on makeup, labor and special effects for Pelosi’s character. Read more Nancy Pelosi to Reprise Role in Sequel to Brazil Movie

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Hog Farmers Proudly Sell Parts Right to the Bitter, Musky Ends

Social media has blown up with images of an actual box of American made pork product, the “Boneless Pork Rectum, Inverted”. We take you inside this unusual treat.

Boneless means without bone. Pork is the industry term for pig products. A rectum, well, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much and it’s daddy’s birthday. Oh, never mind, I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Read more Hog Farmers Proudly Sell Parts Right to the Bitter, Musky Ends

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Travelocity; Genius, Evil or Evil Genius? (We’ll find out Monday)

When I went to book my upcoming trip I found the best deal at Travelocity.com, but at what price? The answer may surprise you.

It sure as hell surprised me, and perhaps not in the good way.

I booked a one-stop flight for a competitive $1,118, only to find two days later that it wasn’t simply booked for the wrong days, but the entire wrong months. I should have caught this in booking, but I didn’t, and since a few minutes past 24-hours had passed, it was not eligible for cancellation. Read more Travelocity; Genius, Evil or Evil Genius? (We’ll find out Monday)

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Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for decades. Read more Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

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Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels

Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot.

It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long denied by the users.

“It is obvious from our recent studies that pot users cannot distinguish reality from fiction.” put forth William Smartguy, head researcher at the Westmoreland Clinic for Studying Dopes and Dope Fiends. Read more Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels

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