Month: June 2014
Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’
Boston – Liberals are seething over the Supreme Court decision which allows Hobby Lobby to not have to offer certain birth control products which they believe induce abortions and which violate their religious beliefs. Hateful people took to twitter after…
Billions Happy During World Cup
RIO DE JANEIRO – Billions of football fans across the world are incredibly happy about the month-long distraction from serious news during the World Cup tournament. “The fact that Russia might start invading Ukraine any minute now is simply not…
Nancy Pelosi to Reprise Role in Sequel to Brazil Movie
Hollywood – Nancy Pelosi has agreed to appear in the sequel to the 1985 movie, Brazil. The trippy movie based on George Orwell’s book, 1984, is scheduled to be released in late 2015. Pelosi appeared in the original film to…
Hog Farmers Proudly Sell Parts Right to the Bitter, Musky Ends
Social media has blown up with images of an actual box of American made pork product, the “Boneless Pork Rectum, Inverted”. We take you inside this unusual treat. Boneless means without bone. Pork is the industry term for pig products….
Travelocity; Genius, Evil or Evil Genius? (We’ll find out Monday)
When I went to book my upcoming trip I found the best deal at Travelocity.com, but at what price? The answer may surprise you. It sure as hell surprised me, and perhaps not in the good way. I booked a…
Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe
San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for…
Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels
Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long…
Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border
Laredo, TX – The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country. In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked…
“My Hard Drive Crashed” In as Most Used Excuse, “Dog Ate my Homework” Out
Rio Linda, CA – People have excuses for everything. For years, kids have notoriously used the well-known excuse, “My dog ate my homework”, when wanting to excuse why they didn’t do their homework.
Scientists determine 87% of people who put their hands in the air actually don’t care
The other 13% are easily influenced by crowds.