Posted in Biz News

Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’

Boston – Liberals are seething over the Supreme Court decision which allows Hobby Lobby to not have to offer certain birth control products which they believe induce abortions and which violate their religious beliefs. Hateful people took to twitter after…

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Posted in Entertainment Sports Events

Billions Happy During World Cup

RIO DE JANEIRO – Billions of football fans across the world are incredibly happy about the month-long distraction from serious news during the World Cup tournament. “The fact that Russia might start invading Ukraine any minute now is simply not…

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Posted in Entertainment

Nancy Pelosi to Reprise Role in Sequel to Brazil Movie

Hollywood – Nancy Pelosi has agreed to appear in the sequel to the 1985 movie, Brazil. The trippy movie based on George Orwell’s book, 1984, is scheduled to be released in late 2015. Pelosi appeared in the original film to…

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Posted in Biz News Health

Hog Farmers Proudly Sell Parts Right to the Bitter, Musky Ends

Social media has blown up with images of an actual box of American made pork product, the “Boneless Pork Rectum, Inverted”. We take you inside this unusual treat. Boneless means without bone. Pork is the industry term for pig products….

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Posted in Biz News Travel

Travelocity; Genius, Evil or Evil Genius? (We’ll find out Monday)

When I went to book my upcoming trip I found the best deal at Travelocity.com, but at what price? The answer may surprise you. It sure as hell surprised me, and perhaps not in the good way. I booked a…

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Posted in Human Interest

Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for…

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Posted in Science

Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels

Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long…

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Posted in Politics

Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Laredo, TX – The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country. In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked…

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Posted in Human Interest Society

“My Hard Drive Crashed” In as Most Used Excuse, “Dog Ate my Homework” Out

Rio Linda, CA – People have excuses for everything. For years, kids have notoriously used the well-known excuse, “My dog ate my homework”, when wanting to excuse why they didn’t do their homework.

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

Scientists determine 87% of people who put their hands in the air actually don’t care

The other 13% are easily influenced by crowds.

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Posted in Crime World News

Brazilian Boy Steals Joke from Friend; Gets Publicly Hanged

A young Brazilian boy, accused of stealing a simple joke from his classmate and friend, was found hanged in front of his home, a pile of human shit piled against one another. The young boy’s mother was left crying her…

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Posted in Politics

IRS Commissioner Gollum Gets Grilled by Congress About His Precious Agency

Washington D.C. – This week has not been kind to Gollum and his “precious” agency, the Internal Revenge Service, as the creature has been on the hot seat having to answer for the mysterious disappearance of Lois Lerner’s relevant emails.

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Posted in Strange People

Cattle Rancher Cliven Bundy Actually a Front For Putin’s Seizure of American Territory

The word is out on Nevada renegade cattle rancher Cliven Bundy. Recent evidence has shown that the cantankerous old cow rebel who refused to pay the government for using BLM land for grazing is actually a front man for Russian…

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Posted in Strange People Television

Univision Goes Bankrupt After Soap Operas are Banned in the U.S

After Congress presented the U.S with a bill called “HIJO DE SU PUTA MADRE”, the corporation responsible for distributing the Hispanic culture’s entertainment programs on television, Univision, was declared bankrupt, leaving thousands in ruin and on the streets. One man,…

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Posted in Politics

New California Law Requires College Student to Have Written Consent Before Sex

A new California law requires that before engaging in any type of sexual encounter, college students must first sign a legal document to authorize the act or acts to take place and must be witnessed by at least one uninvolved…

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Posted in Politics

After Dismal Sales, Publisher Recommends Other Uses For Hillary Clinton Book

New York City – Publishing giant Simon & Schuster, desperate to find a way to turn a profit on Hillary Clinton’s new book “Hard Choices”, has come out with other possible uses for the book. The company hopes to entice…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Music

Tech N9ne gets Shady, Leaves Strange

After 16 years of being strange to the hip hop scene Kansas City, MO rapper Tech N9ne leaves the label he created. Tech, whose real name is Aaron Yates has sold over two million albums and has had his music…

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Posted in Sports

Hope Solo, US Women’s Soccer Goalie, Can’t Stop Slapping Things Down

Seattle – Hope Solo, the hot goalie and star of the Team USA Soccer team, is used to swatting things away. Everything from soccer balls to guys constantly hitting on her. But now it looks like the beauty might be…

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Posted in Music

Nintendo 1 ups Rapper

Michigan rapper gets no option to continue with “Super Mario World” themed clothing idea. “Its down the tubes like Mario i guess” says $Paid (Pronounced Spade) unsigned recording artist and part owner of Street Made Entertainment. The Facebook rhymer got…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc War Zone

Bill Kristol, Always Wrong, Moved to “More Appropriate” Weather Man Role

Outspoken pro-war pundit Bill Kristol is making headlines again for his unwavering support for military action in Iraq and the world at large. Facing pushback, The Weakly Standard has moved him to a more fitting role: Weather Man. “Look,” said…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” Arrested for Fighting at Tanning Salon

Middletown, NJ – Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who gained notoriety on MTV’s classy show Jersey Shore, was arrested for fighting with his own brother at a local tanning salon that the pair own together. Apparently, the double douchebags came to…

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Posted in Society Strange People

Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years

(Hambone, Alabama)–Jimmy was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared. According to witnesses, Jimmy was observed cracking corn and repeatedly asked to stop, but refused. “I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking…

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Posted in World News

The ‘Avengers’ Called Upon to Battle Militant Extremists in Iraq

United Nations – The United Nations has formally asked the ‘Avengers’ to step in and quell the current wave of violence in Iraq that is being waged by the extremist terror group known as ISIS. As the terrorist savages closed…

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial Politics

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Obamymorons (They’re not what you think)

Announcer: Today’s guest on “Yucky World” will be noted political consultant and lexicologist W.C. “Scoop” Pooper. He will be discussing a new political term, Obamymoron, with our talk show hosts Dick and Janey. Janey: Welcome, Scoop. Dick: Hey, what’s the…

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Posted in Sports Events Sportsfolk

First Nations Emboldened, Demand Red Sox Change Their Name

With the hurricane centered squarely upon the Washington Red Skins, some native American tribes have seen fit to target the Red Sox, declaring them a hate-group in thier own right. “I’ve watched the Red Sox play for years,” said Margery…

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