Month: May 2013
WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, or Possibly Just Eczema
DES MOINES, IOWA — It was reported earlier today that local farmer Henry Myopic “definitely [has] AIDS… or maybe eczema.” The 73-year-old Myopic, who regularly checks the WebMD website in an effort to pinpoint his assorted ailments, was able to…
The Biggest Boozer Tossed After Two Episodes
It’s official: the Biggest Boozer has been canceled. This whale puke of a summer replacement only made two pilot episodes before producers mercifully pulled the plug. “We know the contract says you get paid for 6 episodes. Just take the…
Why did the hipster cross the road – Part One (comic)
It’s a question nearly as old as the one about the chicken. Why did the hipster cross the road? Surely it wasn’t to get a better deal on a pair of pre-worn, faded slacks. Surely it wasn’t because there was…
NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death
CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA — The NASA Program recently announced that their scientists have located three new Earth-like planets, each of which could theoretically support death. According to NASA’s lead researcher Dr. Hans Von Gunn, “Using our Kepler satellite, we were…
Taliban Reveals Their Version of the Ten Commandments
It is not well known that the Islamic Religion also uses the Bible as a prophetic religious work. That means that they believe in the Ten Commandments as received by Moses from Jehovah. Unfortunately, as can be expected, the Taliban…
Poll: Majority Concede Overt Racist Moseley Likely Right
ENGLAND – In the wake of Thursday’s vicious attack in London, a new poll finds that a majority of the British public now believe the fascist leader Oswald Moseley was right when he condemned liberal immigration policies in the 1950s….
Atheists Offer Their Own Sunday Service (comic)
The Christians seem to feel they have an exclusive on morality, though the stats don’t bear it out. Why don’t the atheists hold their own Sunday service to preach whatever it is they do or do not believe in… well,…
Family Van Swallowed Up by Mysterious Quicksand near Daytona Beach
New Smyrna Beach, FL – Tragedy marked the beginning of Memorial Day weekend in New Smyrna Beach when late Saturday afternoon, a van belonging to an Indiana family of six suddenly disappeared into the sand leaving no trace. As onlookers…
Extreme Sportsman Completes Successful Base-jump, Funeral to be Held Friday
LODI, CALIF – While base-jumping last week in a northern California ravine, Extreme Sportsman Felix Grainger’s parachute reportedly malfunctioned, sending the 28-year-old’s body crashing to the earth at an incredible rate of speed, whereupon he arrived at a gruesome, untimely…
How to Not Make Terrible Tattoo Designs
Tattoo art has been practiced from time immemorial, sometimes for good reasons, other times, well, Google it yourself to see what how the other half are left to live. People from different cultures have marked particular parts of their bodies…