WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, or Possibly Just Eczema

DES MOINES, IOWA — It was reported earlier today that local farmer Henry Myopic “definitely [has] AIDS… or maybe eczema.”

The 73-year-old Myopic, who regularly checks the WebMD website in an effort to pinpoint his assorted ailments, was able to narrow his latest illness down to one of the two diseases after nearly an hour of careful research. Read more WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, or Possibly Just Eczema

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The Biggest Boozer Tossed After Two Episodes

It’s official: the Biggest Boozer has been canceled. This whale puke of a summer replacement only made two pilot episodes before producers mercifully pulled the plug.

“We know the contract says you get paid for 6 episodes. Just take the money and stop filming this crap!” screamed one producer during negotiations for a permanent spot in the fall line-up. Read more The Biggest Boozer Tossed After Two Episodes

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Why did the hipster cross the road – Part One (comic)

It’s a question nearly as old as the one about the chicken. Why did the hipster cross the road?

Surely it wasn’t to get a better deal on a pair of pre-worn, faded slacks. Surely it wasn’t because there was a coffee shop on the other side of the road that was less trendy than the one he was already at. So what was the reason? Read more Why did the hipster cross the road – Part One (comic)

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NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA — The NASA Program recently announced that their scientists have located three new Earth-like planets, each of which could theoretically support death.

According to NASA’s lead researcher Dr. Hans Von Gunn, “Using our Kepler satellite, we were able to track down a trio of planets not dissimilar to our own. Our hope is that some, if not all, of these planets may be able to support human life and, perhaps more importantly, our overwhelming desire to extinguish it at every chance we get.” Read more NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death

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Taliban Reveals Their Version of the Ten Commandments

It is not well known that the Islamic Religion also uses the Bible as a prophetic religious work. That means that they believe in the Ten Commandments as received by Moses from Jehovah.

Unfortunately, as can be expected, the Taliban branch of radical Islam reinterprets them to fit its idea of the ‘holy’ way they think things should be. Read more Taliban Reveals Their Version of the Ten Commandments

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Poll: Majority Concede Overt Racist Moseley Likely Right

ENGLAND – In the wake of Thursday’s vicious attack in London, a new poll finds that a majority of the British public now believe the fascist leader Oswald Moseley was right when he condemned liberal immigration policies in the 1950s.

A survey commissioned by The Times on Monday which polled twenty-thousand people came back with 56 percent in favor of Moseley’s positions, 40 percent against, and 4 percent answering “I’m a multiculturalist-Liberal-Democratic-Faggot.” Read more Poll: Majority Concede Overt Racist Moseley Likely Right

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Atheists Offer Their Own Sunday Service (comic)

The Christians seem to feel they have an exclusive on morality, though the stats don’t bear it out. Why don’t the atheists hold their own Sunday service to preach whatever it is they do or do not believe in… well, maybe that can happen.

When it comes to questions of immortality, it seems the non-theists hold the advantage. Christians believe in a a life eternal, but fight like hell to avoid going there, no matter how pious their lives may have been.

So why not live it up a bit for the here and now. Why not make a community around reason, rather than Bedouin folklore and total superstition? Read more Atheists Offer Their Own Sunday Service (comic)

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