Posted in Health

Taco Bell Elects to Take USDA Meat Test Pass/Fail

IRVINE, CALIF — Taco Bell announced in a statement last week that they have elected to take this year’s USDA meat test on a pass/fail basis, rather than risking another poor performance on the agency’s traditional grading scale. According to…

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Posted in Comics Science

How much do five hipsters weigh? (comic)

It’s a non-sequitur from the word “don’t go,” but apparently it’s been asked, so we’ll address it. How much do five hipsters weigh? Surely this is the pressing question of our time, and one that deserves front-page news attention, even…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Norm Abram Goes on Mass Sawing Spree, 11 People Left With Sheds

CARLISLE, MASS — Celebrity Carpenter and Former Host of PBS’s long-running “New Yankee Workshop” series Norm Abram allegedly went on a mass sawing spree late last night, leaving 11 people with beautiful, finely-built sheds, sources report. Experts claim that all…

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Posted in Biz News Kidz Zone

Trump to Open Chain of Children’s Casinos

Free-market capitalist and cranial gopher rescue haven Donald Trump has announced this week that he’ll open a new line of casinos aimed squarely at the children’s market. Many see this as a provocative, or even illegal move, but since all…

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Posted in Comics Strange People

Extreme Couponing… It’s called Shoplifting (comic)

If you’ve ever wondered the best way to squeeze a few nickels out of your local retailer, there’s no better way than shoplifting. Sure you might go to jail over a $1.87 sample size of Jergins, but usually you’ll just…

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Posted in Environment Society

“Rainbow” Comes Out as Heterosexual

In what is being hailed as the most highly viewed TV moment of all time, the Rainbow came out of the cosmic closet yesterday and announced on the Ellen Show that she is, in fact, a heterosexual. For much of…

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Posted in Society

Boy Scouts Allow Gays, Ban Hetero Troop Leaders

IRVING, TEXAS — In a surprise move yesterday, the Boy Scouts of America announced plans not only to accept homosexual troop leaders, but furthermore to ban heterosexuals from all leadership positions. RIGHT: Founding Scout Master Freddy “Flip” Antouchyerson. (CLICK TO…

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Posted in Comics Sportsfolk

Why was the boxer so funny? (comic)

Kids love to tell jokes in only two varieties; dumb and inappropriate. The one sadly falls into the “dumb” category, but hopefully redeems itself in the fourth act. This is a fine example of why we shouldn’t leave jokes to…

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Posted in Biz News Health

McDonald’s Launches Healthy Go-Eat-Elsewhere Option

Responding to ongoing criticism of its nutritional practices, fast food giant McDonald’s today announced its new healthy go-and-eat-somewhere-else option. From December 1st, select McDonald’s chains across the country will be offering several all-new disclaimers on its menu, including “you might…

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Posted in Politics

Ann Coulter cuts out Latino’s heart, eats it

Conservative pundit Ann Coulter surprised viewers on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show when she carved into the body of a Latino immigrant and pulled out a heart. “I swear to God we will eat your hearts out, you Mexican illegals….

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Comics

Myths No Match for Wikipedia, Despite Wikipedia (comic)

Follow up on the previous one in this installment. Ever heard something that was just too juicy to not be true? You don’t have to let it lie there, facts be damned, just add it to Wikipedia and see if…

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Posted in Health

NRA Slams Birth Control: “We Must Fight Semen With Semen”

WASHINGTON — In a prepared statement, the Neonatal Responsibility Association (NRA) announced their official stance on the highly contested birth control debate. According to the statement, the NRA argues that “any attempt to infringe on a woman’s right to bear…

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Posted in Comics Gadgets & Gizmos

How the Scan-Tron Actually Got Its Name (comic)

We’ve all been there. You had to use a #2 pencil, as if any other option was available at the store, and fill in the bubbles completely. But do you know the origin of the test? Do you know how…

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Posted in Politics

Republicans Force Illegal Immigrants out of the Country–305 Million to Leave Immediately

WASHINGTON D.C.–In a historic, and extremely surprising, turn of events for the land of the free and home of the brave, almost 90% of its diverse population has now found itself without a country or a home. Yesterday, on Capitol…

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Posted in Human Interest

Semi-humorous True Life Bear Encounters

BEAR #1- Returning from an over night kayaking trip out in the islands near where I was working I had a short margin of time to get through a narrow pass between an island and the mainland before it got…

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Posted in Comics Kidz Zone

Age Old Joke Takes Dark Turn; Escalates Quickly (COMIC)

You know the age-old joke, “Why is 6 afraid of 7.” Well what happens when the smart-ass kid you’re telling it to already knows the joke? Well apparently, you ruin their childhood. CLICK on the image to see the cartoon…

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Posted in Environment Religionism

Flood Warnings Issued After God Knocks Back 8 Cans of Miller Lite

INDIANAPOLIS – The national weather service has issued severe flood warnings across most of the Midwest ahead of this weekend, after His Lordship Almighty God went on a Friday night drinking binge. According to heavenly sources, God – hosting a…

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Posted in Crime Politics

NRA Promotes New Mass Shootings to Stimulate Gun Sales

The NRA, flush with a victory over the US Government and common sense in general with their defeat of all gun bills, has decided to keep on a roll and create more gun sales by stimulating more mass shootings. Observing…

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Posted in Comics Religionism

Bible Study: Let’s Murder Some Kids (comic)

The Bible isn’t just an all-time best-seller, it’s a work of wonder, mystery and incredible tragedy. The Bible doesn’t just tell us how to live our lives, but also tell us how we should never, ever, ever live our lives….

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Posted in Biz News Religionism

The Advantage of Having Amish Work on Your Farm

The advantages to having Amish work on your farm: • They won’t be drunk on the job. • They won’t be cussing or spitting. • They won’t chase after your wife or daughter. • They won’t come to work high…

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