Seuss Estate Files For Restraining Order Against Vuvuzela Manufacturer

HOOVILLE, Nova Scotia (GlossyNews) — The estate of Dr. Seuss has filed a restraining order against the manufacturer of the plastic horn known as the Vuvuzela, claiming copyright infringement. The order, handed down in the National Court of South Africa, calls for the immediate cessation of the manufacture of all things Vuvuzela. It also clearly shows the Vuvuzela was first mentioned in the little known book written by Dr. Seuss in 1964 entitled Consuela from Venezuela blows on a Vuvuzela. Read more Seuss Estate Files For Restraining Order Against Vuvuzela Manufacturer

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Bjork, Pirates, Determined To Help Iceland Out of Economic Hardship

REYKJAVIK, Iceland (GlossyNews) — Pop singer Bjork (pronounced BEE-YORKKKKK, just like you are upchucking a bad pizza), always a fountainhead of new and eccentric ideas, has decided to help alleviate Iceland’s terrible economic problems.

Iceland, long a self reliant land, made a bad mistake by investing heavily in British stocks which plummeted in value during the current recession. Iceland teeters on bankruptcy. Read more Bjork, Pirates, Determined To Help Iceland Out of Economic Hardship

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Director Cameron Making 4-D Movie

HOLLYWOODLAND, West Coast (GlossyNews) — Self-crowned ‘King of Directors’ James Cameron today announced a project expected to establish a new standard in cinema. Speaking from Malibu’s exclusive ‘Pssst, You can smoke in here’ Bistro, the mega-hit crafter was upbeat, while still maintaining his signature condescending tone. Read more Director Cameron Making 4-D Movie

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We Are Taking Over This Website To Show You This Message

A MESSAGE TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES

Official notification is hereby given by venue of this website to all citizens of the United States that the government of said land is dissolved and that the entity formerly known as the United States Of America has been acquired in a hostile takeover by the newly formed Corporation of North America. All questions of national allegiance and international relations will now be addressed to the Halliburton America section of of the new entity. Read more We Are Taking Over This Website To Show You This Message

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Mel Gibson Tortures Wife During Racist Rant while World Looks Away

TEXARKANA, Texas (GlossyNews) — Melvin, or Mel, Gibson, a 75-year-old redneck from Rockdale, Texas, stood on the corner of Cameron Ave and Main this morning. He was dressed in the requisite T-shirt and stained khaki work pants and holding a battered and half nude 72-year-old Dorinda, his wife of 50 years, by the hair while he screamed racist comments at the top of his lungs.

As a Sheriff’s Deputy drove by, slowing down for a group of vultures eating a dead something-or-other in the middle of the road, Mel hollered that a pack of wild niggers was going to attack Dorinda for wearing a pink bra. Then he screamed and yelled about how the Jews were taking over the world, followed by something or other about Mexicans, loose women, the Gov’ment then Homos. Read more Mel Gibson Tortures Wife During Racist Rant while World Looks Away

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6-Year Old Somali Girl Given Permission to Sail Solo Around the World

MOGADISHU, Somalia (Glossy News) — A six-year old Somali girl has been given permission by the Somali government to sail solo around the world in a 46-foot yacht commandeered by her father in a pirate raid off the coast of Somali earlier this year. The father/ daughter pair have been training for this solo adventure since March in a less-luxurious home-made craft.

When Abdul Omar Khalid got word that American 16-year old Abby Sunderland was setting out early in 2010 to sail solo around the world, he became enraged. Read more 6-Year Old Somali Girl Given Permission to Sail Solo Around the World

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ET’s to End Earth Monitoring

ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) —

The Intergalactic Play Nice Force has decided to abandon Earth operations, so said District Superintendent Greg Gort today.

“The IPNF really has no interest here anymore. It’s a wind-down, could take three Earth years at the outside. Bureaucracy is a constant in the Universe. We’ll run the funding out on the Venus base, and besides, I’ve got staff members who are only flreg parsecs from full retirement. Read more ET’s to End Earth Monitoring

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