Category: Politics
Trump Claims He is a Necromancer
Washington DC (AP) In a remarkable disclosure in the Rose Garden Friday, President Trump announced, “When I arose this morning, I discovered I had the spiritual gift of being able to communicate with the dead. In fact, it was George…
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning All Masks
On Friday, President Trump signed an executive order banning all masks after he was photographed while wearing one, a “pleasure” he did not want to give the press, according to Trump. While the legality and practicality of enforcing this executive…
Trump Proves That He Wore a Facemask on the Honeywell Factory Visit
Phoenix, AZ (AP) President Donald Trump when asked at a recent press encounter why he didn’t where a face mask on his recent tour of the Honeywell mask factory, emphatically affirmed that, “…I did wear a mask and maybe you…
Trump’s Tchotchkes: White House Souvenir Shop / Going Out of Business Sale
Trump Lego Maker’s Kit: To build impregnable wall. Biden Ukraine T-shirt: Biden Senior & Junior pictured. Caption: “Ukraine, You Saw, We Conquered.” Golfing POTUS: POTUS playing golf with NASCAR stars. Colin Kaepernick, Steph Curry, Lebron James and Megan Rapinoe photo-shopped…
Nation of Self-Obsessed Attention Hogs Whine About Sea Levels Rising Due to Climate Change
FUNAFUTI, TUVALU– After years of whining and moaning about possible ecological devastation and flooding which would render their entire country uninhabitable, little Tuvalu finally got its moment in the sun when the international press threw the petulant brats a handful…
Trump Claims NYT Op-Eds Unfair
Washington, DC (NYT) A frustrated President Trump apparently unloaded on his advisors that the “Failing” New York Times recent publication of quite erudite Op-Eds by Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders is not fair. He was heard to lament, “my speciality…
TRUMP NEWS CONFERENCE IN THE NEAR FUTURE
Good afternoon, vile, evil, smelly, ugly, evil, evil members of the third-rate reporters who should kill themselves in a disgusting horrible – the pussies should throw acid in their faces. Let’s forget the virus for now. So, so depressing although…
Trumpisms and Virusisms 8.0
226 Suggestion — Instead of calling coronavirus the “Chinese virus,” let’s call it the “Trump virus” or “Donny’s hoax.” 227 How to enforce social distancing — add to the nation’s water supply a chemical that induces mild autism so we…
Trump Names Jared and Ivanka Ventilator Co-Czars
Washington, DC (AP) At yesterday’s White House press briefing President Trump made the stunning announcement that his daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner, by Executive Order # 1001, will assume the newly created positions of Ventilator co-Czars. The action…
Donald Rumsfeld Emerges from Underground Lair asking, “Am I no longer the most evil Donald?”
Suspected reptillian and confirmed demon Donald Rumsfeld, the gleeful architect of no fewer than all deaths in the Middle East (2001-2009) permitted the light of day to wash across his face in a rare instance of seeming mortality Wednesday. “Wait,”…