Author: Mark Wilt
THE PROPHET JESSE JESUS SOCK DELIVERS THE SERMON ON THE GARBAGE HEAP TO THE 21st CENTURY LOSER CULT
My name is Jesse Jesus Sock and I’m a prophet out of my own head. God lives inside my skull. Not your skull. Only mine. “Ain’t you the dude who predicted the end of World War II ten years after…
TRUMP NEWS CONFERENCE IN THE NEAR FUTURE
Good afternoon, vile, evil, smelly, ugly, evil, evil members of the third-rate reporters who should kill themselves in a disgusting horrible – the pussies should throw acid in their faces. Let’s forget the virus for now. So, so depressing although…
BREAKING NEWS! TRUMP LEARNS CORONAVIRUS ABC’S!”
As everyone knows, President Trump fails to grasp the danger of the coronavirus pandemic because nobody has bothered to explain it to him in ways he’ll understand.
TRUMP BLEATS VICTORY!
After escaping decapitation, King Donald twirled around his country like a crazed ballerina. He shrieked victory from town to town accompanied by Adam Schiff howling in a cage. Lord of the Stool Steve Miller administered electric shocks to the former…
Your Heart Needs an Overhaul But You Don’t Want Your Pockets Picked? Check This Out!
Do you need heart surgery but you blew your insurance premiums on liquor, loose women and lottery tickets? Save a whole lot of money and give a good hard kick to the establishment by putting your life in the hands of…
I was Hacked! ME! And I am Furious! Hot, Hot, HATE!
Someone spread messages under my Sacred Name soliciting money for a purported “neighbor kid” whose kidneys are crumbling. My real neighbor kid is a paranoid schizophrenic with bipolar overtones and a narcissistic bass line.
WTF?! SEVERAL States Now Allow BUS DRIVERS TO LEGALLY MARRY COUPLES!
Yes, you got it! Several states now allow bus drivers to legally marry couples! Ideally, the couple are passengers on the bus. However, the laws do make exceptions.
DANGER! MONEY! SEX! US Government Agency Has Immediate Need For An ISIS INFORMANT!
DANGER! MONEY! SEX! US Government Agency Has Immediate Need For An ISIS INFORMANT! No Experience Necessary! Will Train! Qualifications: Rudimentary knowledge of Islam. Former prison snitches highly desirable. Must have survived numerous attempts on life. Can endure countless hours of…
EMERGENCY ROOM! HELP ME! I’M DYING!
God cursed me with a heart condition. I have a good idea why, but if I tell you, I’ll have to kill myself. One dreadful symptom is shortness of breath (SOB). That and an adverse echocardiogram led my cardiologist to…
Lordy, Lordy, Was I a Terrible Waiter! (But My CUSTOMERS Were WORSE!!!!!!)
Why did you choose the restaurant where I worked at that particular time? A few seconds earlier or later, you would have been safe. But Fate dropped the piano on your head, and you drew me as your waiter. You…