Why did you choose the restaurant where I worked at that particular time? A few seconds earlier or later, you would have been safe. But Fate dropped the piano on your head, and you drew me as your waiter. You…

As a Democrat, I am proud of my collection of presidents posing in the nude. Up until 1850 or so, the pictures were oil paintings, except for a racy sculpture of Andrew Jackson beating his wife. I suppose I’ll need…