Trump Claims NYT Op-Eds Unfair

Washington, DC (NYT) A frustrated President Trump apparently unloaded on his advisors that the “Failing” New York Times recent publication of quite erudite Op-Eds by Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders is not fair. He was heard to lament, “my speciality is social media –I hold the world record for Facebook and Twitter followers (429 Million), which just blows away Biden and Sanders and even the Pope. But no, they get their coherent thoughts published in the in that leftist rag and that makes me look bad. Their editors think that I don’t know squat about syntax, grammar and punctuation, etc.–and they are absolutely right! Hey, who needs that crapola when you are tweeting ignorant Rednecks and neo-Nazis? The answer is you don’t! But if I can’t come up with some kind of Op-Ed response the “fake news” is going to come after me again about my (an Ivy League alum!) being ignorant. Anybody have any suggestions?” Secretary of Education, Betty Devoes, who happened to just drop by, offered the President an intriguing solution. “As you know, my husband and I are devoted to academic excellence and have been investing heavily in educational companies who strive to improve student grade performance in essay writing. It is amazing that with just a copy of the assignment guidelines these companies can turn a D underachiever into a Dean’s list scholar. Why don’t you have Kelly Anne jot down some notes, and I can give it to our best operator——and have your brilliant Op-Ed back to you tomorrow morning (at no charge of course!)” she said. An ebullient Trump gushed, “Betsy, despite everybody’s warnings and concerns I now know why I hired you! Keep up the fantastic work! Where the hell were these guys when I was at Wharton?”

Author: Lew Tuck

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