Trump Lego Maker’s Kit: To build impregnable wall.
Biden Ukraine T-shirt: Biden Senior & Junior pictured. Caption: “Ukraine, You Saw, We Conquered.”
Golfing POTUS: POTUS playing golf with NASCAR stars. Colin Kaepernick, Steph Curry, Lebron James and Megan Rapinoe photo-shopped into illustration as caddies.
“Godspeed to House Un-God SQUAD” Cartoon: POTUS waving goodbye to House witches, flying on broomsticks to “totally broken, crime infested places from which they came,” Somalia, Detroit, the Bronx and Cincinnati/Chicago.
NRA-championed BUMP STOCK App: Semi-automaticApp that makes it possible to fire off multiple rounds of Tweets at various targets in rapid succession. Protected by both the first and second amendments.
Green Card Pads: Authentic reminders of days of yore. Blank name spaces invite monikers of Latino, Muslim and Asian “friends.”
Mueller Report: Redacted version with POTUS logo. Offered with preface by Attorney General Barr.
U.S. Constitution: Redacted version with POTUS logo. Offered with a preface by Attorney General Barr.
Covid-19 Gift Martini Kit: To make the President’s favorite Coronavirus cocktail for nay-sayers: Shaker, Lysol, Sanitizer, and [fake] Hemlock olives.
“What Climate Change?” Poster: Collage featuring various epochs and periods (Hothouse, greenhouse, icehouse, snowball earth, glacier) with the statement, “It’s Always Changing; Get Over It!”
POTUS Sharpie: You too can have fun with weather maps and redacting documents.
Map of U.S. and its Territories/Possessions [updated pending POTUS proposed trade]: Depicts Greenland off Southeastern Coast of Contiguous U.S. in place of Puerto Rico.
The Donald-in-the-Box: The box pops open to have The Donald, looking a bit like “The Joker,” pop out and screech, “Hire ‘em; fire ‘em!”
Navy SEAL Pins, with Flippers: Available to all, war crimes notwithstanding, who support POTUS.
“Drain the Swamp” Toilets: Choice of ceramic-bowl inscribed portraits — Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, the late John McCain, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Adam Schiff, mastheads of New York Times/ Washington Post, or a CNN anchor desk. The vintage model (high tank water closet) features life-like rendition of “nasty woman who should be behind bars.”
Frickin’, Frackin’ Pennsylvania Drill Bit: This scale model, representing best pillage-the-earth technology, celebrates Trump’s job-creator, pipeline-puncturing bit, designed to drill deep. Choice: EPA insignia or image of “Horseface” Stormy Daniels stamped on side.
ICBM, Ballistic and Cruise Missile Models with Rocket Man logo: Kim Jong-un Rocket Man model. Marking on warhead suggests Los Angeles and San Francisco as targets.
ICBM, Ballistic and Cruise Missile Models with POTUS logo: Paired with the above? Marking on warhead proclaims, “My button’s Bigger than Yours!”
Elvis/Trump Singing Bobblehead: The iconic Kings morphed together. When you pull its swaying leg, It belts out, “If you’re looking for trouble,/ You came to right place./ If you’re looking for trouble,/ Look right in my face.”
James Comey F.B.I. Wanted Poster Selfies: With photo of J. Edgar Hoover embedded, a “top ten” wanted poster shows the “nut job” being jettisoned out of Oval Office.
Conspiracy Theory Desk Calendar: For 2020, 366 conspiracy theories POTUS has entertained or fostered.
Facsimile Trump 1040 Tax Form: This 2013 return, blank for the most part, comes with facsimile Rudy Giuliani memo suggesting return had a few exceptions (e.g., the $12.2 million made from holding the Moscow Miss Universe pageant).
Facsimile Parental Note Excusing Youthful POTUS from School: Your choice of nicknames family called the future President: “Donny,” “Flat Top,” or “The “Trumpet.” Excuses? Choose: “Bone spurs troublesome” or “Chauffeur took day off.”
Trump’s Russian [Matryoshka] Nesting Dolls: So cute in a Trumpian sense! The set features six wooden POTUS dolls. Ones of decreasing size fit within the others. Eastern European women love these. The last, smallest one holds a sign saying “Obstruction: Nyet!”