Author: Lew Tuck
Lindsey Graham Indicted for Murder Conspiracy by Moscow Grand Jury
Moscow (TASS). In a shocking announcement, the Constitutional Court of Russia has handed down conspiracy to commit murder indictments against Senator Lindsey (“I am not defective”) Graham (R-SC) and co-conspirator Lev Parnas. The charges include threatening bodily harm…“The only way…
Trump Claims “Afternoon Delights” Alibi
Washington, DC (AP). Under attack for the missing White House call logs, former President Donald Trump said, “there are no call logs because there were simply no calls made during that time period! You guys can make all the stink you want…
Majorie Taylor Green (MJT) and her Lover Accused of Bestiality
Washington, DC (AP). In an article published in the Journal of Animal Ethics (JAE), MJT and her veterinarian lover have been accused of being “bestophiles.” Reminiscent of the “compromat” speculation surrounding Donald Trump’s toady like support and bromance with Vladimir Putin, similar allegations are…
Make America Gag Again
Atlanta (AP) Just when the Trump Administration thought things could not get any worse, the Center for Disease Control released a report on the dramatic increase of Non-Covid19, related Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome (CVS20), that has ravaged sixty-five percent of the country…
Barr’s Secret Police Identified as Unemployed Walmart Security Guards
Washington DC (WAPO) Dismayed by the May jobs report and the unabated protests outside the White House, Administration Spokesperson, Kay (I need to get…) leighed MagaNinny announced yesterday that Attorney Generalissimo William Barf, Economic Guru Supremo Kevin Hassbeen and Walmart…
Trump Claims He is a Necromancer
Washington DC (AP) In a remarkable disclosure in the Rose Garden Friday, President Trump announced, “When I arose this morning, I discovered I had the spiritual gift of being able to communicate with the dead. In fact, it was George…
Trump Proves That He Wore a Facemask on the Honeywell Factory Visit
Phoenix, AZ (AP) President Donald Trump when asked at a recent press encounter why he didn’t where a face mask on his recent tour of the Honeywell mask factory, emphatically affirmed that, “…I did wear a mask and maybe you…
Trump Claims NYT Op-Eds Unfair
Washington, DC (NYT) A frustrated President Trump apparently unloaded on his advisors that the “Failing” New York Times recent publication of quite erudite Op-Eds by Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders is not fair. He was heard to lament, “my speciality…
Trump Names Jared and Ivanka Ventilator Co-Czars
Washington, DC (AP) At yesterday’s White House press briefing President Trump made the stunning announcement that his daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner, by Executive Order # 1001, will assume the newly created positions of Ventilator co-Czars. The action…
Trump orders Barr to Investigate Mother Nature for Insider Trading
Trump orders Barr to Investigate Mother Nature for Insider Trading Washington, DC (AP). In a bold show of insane “kaka” the President last week conveyed to his favourite Fox news slime—Lou Dobbs (aka LouDo)—an autographed exhibit showing a 1900 point…