Trump Signs Executive Order Banning All Masks

On Friday, President Trump signed an executive order banning all masks after he was photographed while wearing one, a “pleasure” he did not want to give the press, according to Trump.

While the legality and practicality of enforcing this executive order remains in question, the president clarified that, “all masks are now banned. Doctors masks, Halloween masks, facial masks like Melania wears late at night and looks like a ghoul, every mask is banned–even face masks on sports helmets because athletes don’t need to protect their faces and could use some toughening up.”

This move by the president is raising concerns among the many frontline healthcare workers who are currently dealing with the worst pandemic in modern history, with many taking to social media to call the president “a fucking moron.”

Asked about how this EO will affect the safety of front line workers, President Trump said, “Look, masks are a hoax! They don’t protect you. They make you look stupid. And frankly, I’m doing the healthcare workers a favor. And now sick people can see their lips. It is important to be able to see someone’s lips because they could try to bite you. And it isnt fun getting bit, let me tell you.”

While the American Medical Association has not responded to our request for comment regarding the latest in Trump’s odd executive order, AMA CEO, James Madara, did post a photo of himself wearing a mask and suggested that the president be locked in a room somewhere, “as to prevent any further damage.”

The order goes into effect on Monday, however numerous governors have insisted they will not comply. Most notably, New York Governor Cuomo shared an anecdote from his childhood in which his brother, CNN anchor, Chris Cuomo was being forced to eat worms by a neighborhood bully.

“Point is,” Governor Cuomo concluded, “Nobody is eating worms on my watch, Donny.”

Author: M.C. Guy

Wadayasay? Here's your chance to sound off!