Instead of calling coronavirus
the “Chinese virus,”
let’s call it the “Trump virus”
or “Donny’s hoax.”
How to enforce social distancing —
add to the nation’s water supply
a chemical that induces
so we have no desire to interact with other people.
A new kind of legal partnership —
committed cohabitation for the duration.
Autism is a mutation
well-suited for a pandemic of this kind.
The autistic may be mankind’s best hope for
survival as a species.
Everyone else should mimic the social distancing
that comes naturally to them.
It is so reassuring to hear Trump say
that he is fabricating much-needed
medical supplies and equipment.
He is a master at fabrication.
a life saver
die perfect lieder
die unsong nero
non dis clothesed
from die Easter
with die greatest of e is.
Congress enacts coronavirus stimulus #53 —
$10K per person
to everyone who volunteers to die
(using home kit)
Perfumes designed to make you stink,
to promote social distancing.
Social distancing, the eleventh commandment —
Thou shalt not covid they neighbor.
Oh my darlin’ Quarantine.
Favorite dinner-for-one dish —
Stir crazy beef.
When he ran out of toilet paper
and couldn’t buy any,
he turned on cable
and selected paper view.
He was the perfect social distancing date.
Instead of flowers,
he brought toilet paper.
Of course Trump put Pence
in charge of the task force.
That was his normal function as virus president.
If the science were called epirepublicanology
instead of epidemiology,
Trump would trust it.
The oracle said
the plague was punishment for the sins
of the white man in the white house.
or the end is near!”
He would pray to the Lord,
but the Baron is his son,
and that would be inappropriate.
He was afraid to go to the grocery store
because of the spreading virus.
But he couldn’t fall asleep.
So he filled his shopping cart with bananas,
since he’d heard it’s easy to sleep on banana peels.
She kept a supply of MAGA hats,
and every time she heard Trump on TV,
she ran one thru her shredder.
“His voice is grating,
without a shred of truth.”
The new normal —
now when a prophet proclaims
“The end is near!”
because we are afraid that it will never end.
Greeting card for coronavirus survivor:
Trump bet your life
and you won.
Do you feel bettor now?
While engaged in
don’t forget tell-a-story.
That’s sole food.
Easter thought —
Pontius Pilate washed his hands.
because he didn’t want to spread the coronavirus.
Meat processing plants?
It might be that not just close proximity promotes the spread,
and not the meat that they process,
but ventilation systems common in such plants.
(This is no joke).
Many college students are 19-year-old women.
If and when colleges reopens, be sure to maintain sex feet of distance.
Beware of coed-19.
How to get Trump to take coronovirus seriously —
keep statistics on how many of the deaths
are of people who voted for and against him.
When Trump graduated from con school,
he took the hypocritical oath.
Bad choice of words.
To Trump and his followers
a pandemic must be caused by Dems.
Likewise — academic, epidemic —
all fake news created by dems.
This will be known as the Post-Pandemic era PP
or pee pee
or piss poor.
Yesterday didn’t do well, but he passed.
Today is the president, and that’s hell.
Tomorrow will be the few tour,
an unexpected adventure.
Shortage of swabs slowing down testing?
Call in the Navy.
They must have millions.
Don’t they swab the decks?
New franchise joining the ranks of Toys-R-Us and Kids-R-Us —
Where you can buy all your masks, gloves, and other PPE.
What about ventilation systems?
Those could be how the virus spreads so rapidly in ships, nursing homes, and factories.
New reality TV show —
Strangers meet virtually and have to decide if they want to meet flesh-to-flesh,
despite the coronavirus risk.
You Bet Your Life.
She always had a positive attitude,
until she got a positive test result.
Me, myself, and I are having a great time sequestered.
We’ve never been alone together like this before.
It’s a great opportunity to get to know one another.
As the shutdown extended into the second month,
he slept like a baby
who screams all night.
Name for holiday celebrating return to normal —
Title for romantic coronovirus movie —
Terms of Infection.
“Peep! Peep!” said the bird.
“Pee Pee,” said the toddler.
“PPE! PPE!” said the nurse.
We’re all in this together.
In the new normal, gloves and mask will be known as hand and face condoms,
to appear in public without them will be as unacceptable as public nudity,
and the climactic moment in virtual strip shows will be the removal of the mask.
Trump campaign slogan —
Follow the golden fool.
Soap opera for coronavirus stay-at-homes —
Daze of Our Lives.
Query to the CDC —
Do social distancing restrictions apply to time travel?
If so, to travel to the past and/or to the future as well?
The PR exec would never marry.
She was proud to be known as “the Spinster.”
If and when this ends,
we should hold a massive protest in Washington,
call it a Mask-erade,
and make the wearing of a health mask a symbol of defiance and disgust at Trump.
The actress was the star of a mega-blockbuster movie,
but production was cancelled due to the coronavirus.
So now she lives in the trailer,
overlooking the see.
Trump believes in expert tease,
the naked truth.
Every night he prays,
“Now I lie me,
In addition to masks (intended to scare away the virus),
everyone should wear placebo ties
and hats with the new Trump slogan —
Injections are expensive and in short supply.
So Trump has ordered that they be replaced with interjections —
Oh! Ah! Bravo!
eo recorder —
six feet of separation,
who shall we now ventilate?
all of us.
Newton would have made a good pandemic czar.
He would have understood the gravity of the situation.
If there was a medicine for coronavirus
and we were to air-drop it to Japan,
that would be balms over Tokyo.
Thoughts on Palm Sunday —
If He holds the whole world in His palm,
would that we could read that palm
and spoke that wheel
well enough to turn these troubled times
to Balm Beach splendor.
Today, spring in all its glory
reminds me that T. S. Eliot
lived through the quarantines and death
of the Spanish flu,
which may have prompted his line —
“April is the cruellest month.”
She told her Dad,
“I’m getting used to virtual presence.
But please make sure Santa knows
that for Christmas I’ll need
When Miss Brown appeared on the screen,
Bobby proudly said —
“New York 50 miles,
Los Angeles 3000 miles,
Hong Kong 8000 miles.
“What’s that Bobby?”
“I’ve been studying hard, Miss Brown.
That’s my distance learning.”
Suggested name for the vaccine —
Title for coronovius memoir —
“The Loneliness of the Social Distancing Runner.”