Tag Archive | "fox news"

Government Admits Glenn Beck is Classified Experiment Gone Awry


UNSPECIFIED LOCATION–A rogue agent of a super classified top secret branch of the government (that some say was involved in the Roswell findings of ’47) has spoken with Iron E-News via pigeon and confirmed that American political commentator Glenn Beck was actually a highly classified government experiment gone awry. Read the full story

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Posted in Strange People, TelevisionComments (1)

Piers Morgan Admits: “I’m Pretty Much a Wanker”


After months of struggle with public pressure in the United States and Great Britain, Piers Morgan has come out to confess that he is a wanker.

The admission came in a tearful interview with Oprah Winfrey, where the Limey Leprechaun discussed his deep thoughts on life as an international celebrity, including tips on how to overcome emotional distress. Read the full story

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Shepard Smith to Leave FOX News Over Harassment?


Shepard Smith, long time Fox News Anchor and deeply closeted homosexual, announced today that he will be leaving the Republican broadcasting network at the end of his current contract.

Sometimes considered the only voice of reason on the network, his departure will further sully the image of America’s leading satire television news channel, leaving only The 700 Club to fill the comedy void.

RIGHT: Shep Smith sounds off with a quote from a know-nothing about which he knows nothing, as if it means something, which it didn’t and doesn’t. (CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Fox News to Add Laugh Track


NEW YORK CITY, NY – The Fox News Network has announced plans to include a laughter track in its daily broadcasts in an effort to aid viewers, who have reportedly struggled to decipher between the show’s serious and humorous segments.

Fox News, a key endeavor of the Rupert Murdoch media enterprise, has aired daily since 1996, and is famous for presenting its “surreal and often hilarious” news agenda in a stylized deadpan manner. Read the full story

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Rupert Murdoch Will NOT Visit An Ashram


A spokesperson for Rupert Murdoch was asked yesterday for Mr. Murdock’s response to Paul Ryan as candidate for GOP vice-president, and received the reply, “Right! Absolutely right!” Murdoch apparently credits Ryan for saving a tottering Romney, tweeting “Thank God!” in his enthusiasm to support a “real election.”

However, in-depth sources have indicated there is no truth Mr. Murdoch is now wearing a dress with no underwear in preparation for a forthcoming stay at an ashram in India, where he plans to devote himself to the highest chakras for spiritual union and energy. Read the full story

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Train Obliterates Texting Driver; Darwin Unsurprised


Paranormal investigators have recently reported unprecedented EMF activity, with some saying it’s like Stephen King got struck by lightning. Those off the dial readings are attributed to a curious event in the life of Theresa Caputo, star of TLC’s “Long Island Medium.” Apparently, two departed entities have chosen Ms. Caputo as spokesperson for their heated argument. Read the full story

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, TelevisionComments (0)

Media Hosts Fear Hyperbole Has Desensitized Viewers and Destroyed Credibility


MediaWatch has concluded a study asking cable news media hosts to rate their performance in reporting on the debt ceiling talks in Washington.

A whopping 67% of MSNBC hosts believe they have pushed the envelope too far and are fearful that once the debt ceiling crisis has fully wound down, without having inflicted the kind of pain predicted, they will all be seen as Chicken Littles.

In fact, Rachel Maddow is so mad at herself, she’s not been able to step in front of the camera this week at all except to make more dam commercials for MSNBC. Read the full story

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Posted in Television, Top StoriesComments (0)

Dennis Miller Offering Glenn Beck Sidekick Job


Dennis Miller always had aspirations of being the next Bill O’Reilly or “Billy” as he calls him, or the next Glenn Beck. But, even though he does have his own radio talk show, so far, it’s only gotten him a ticket as a guest wise ass on both of those shows. He wants to be in front of the cameras so bad he can taste it, and now that Glenn Beck is being forced from Fox News, he sees it as his big chance to get ahead in the business. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, EntertainmentComments (33)

Wonki-Leak #264: FOX News E-mail Instructs Interns on ‘Doctoring’ the Truth


WONKI-LEAKS #264 Our team of ever intrepid hackers have recently managed to intercept the following instructions being given to new FOX interns via e-mail as they help the massive television and radio giant prepare the scripted material for their pundits and ‘reporters’:

The basic maxim to the type of journalism that FOX News specializes in is- ‘You can dig up dirt on anyone.’ This should be memorized and utilized every day in your investigations. Read the full story

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Tom Hanks Plays Bill O’Reilly in Upcoming Autobiography


In an upcoming autobiography by Bill O’Reilly in which he prefers not to play himself, O’Reilly has hired Tom Hanks to step in and portray the “love him or hate him” darling of Fox News Channel.

“At first I thought, man, this is really weird,” says Hank about being approached to play Bill O in the book. “But the more I read about O’Reilly’s life, I realized this guy really needs help, so I said sure, why not?” Read the full story

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O’Reilly, Obama Find Common Ground; Glenn Beck is Nuts


President Obama sat down with Fox News Show host Bill O’Reilly in a rare and candid interview that touched on everything from the unrest in Egypt and how it should be handled, the economy and how to achieve a more stable union, and Obama’s thoughts on the 2012 elections. But it was Glenn Beck that really brought the two men together in a meeting of the minds. Read the full story

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Why Do We Let An Australian Tell Us What We Should Think?


Day after day, hour after hour, millions of Americans tune in willingly to hear political diatribe that is specially designed to align their political beliefs in a particular direction.

Amidst stunning eye-catching graphics and up-to-the-minute news bytes, various pundits slam opinions on every possible topic in the realm of today’s Americana and also slam anyone who dares venture an opinion alien, or, as is more likely the truth, threatening to their own. And all who appear and work on the channel must meet the approval of the Big Man running everything. Read the full story

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Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (1)

Mythical Liberal Media Not Doing Its Job


The liberal media has fallen asleep on the job. They are supposed to be the “dominant media” according to certain people. But you sure could never guess it from the last few weeks. Too much has slipped through the grill. Maybe Ann Coulter is right- you just can’t trust them. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, PoliticsComments (0)

NPR to Use FOX Tactics to Survive In Modern US Media Climate


The recent Juan Williams firing scandal has led National Public Radio to realize that they need to develop more FOX News type media tactics if they are to survive. A radical top to bottom make-over has been ordered for the normally passive, low key, informational and culturally oriented nationwide station to bring them into a more aggressive and combative mode. It must be similar to the transformation Sarah Palin went through when she went from being the Governor of America’s least populated state to being the Cinderella of the U.S. Tea Party. Read the full story

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Obama’s Sainthood Measure Stalls at The Vatican


Vatican City (GlossyNews.com) – Monsignor Alda Frattelli has responded to tabloid claims that the proposed Sainthood for American president, Barack Obama, has been tabled for now and his Holiness will review it in about ten or twenty years.

“Yes, that is true. The Holy See has decided to review it at a much later date to see if Mr. Obama can pull off a few extra miracles besides the one of himself getting elected.” Read the full story

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Insider: Kato Kaelin to Join NPR for “Balance”


An unusually combative Janet Bryce-Flaverhaven spoke to reporters this week as she unveiled the long awaited 2011 NPR schedule.

The venerable broadcasting behemoth, much loved by hundreds of listeners, has been a topic of much recent scrutiny. The reflexive firing of an African-American that somehow didn’t involve Agriculture Secretary Vilsack has prompted some to consider all things NPR. Read the full story

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