Search Results for: obama
Kim Jong-un Diagnosed w/ Breast Cancer; Citizens Forced to Cry or be Shot
It was early spring of 2014 when the savior of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, was enjoying his three course meal in complete tranquility, an annual source of food considered by his people. To everyone’s surprise, later that day, it was…
Leaders Celebrate Leadership for the Infantilized Masses
Dateline: WASHINGTON—On this year’s Leadership Day, leaders from around the world in governments and corporations spoke about the meaning of leadership while the millions of followers showed that they understood by sitting cross-legged in circles, holding hands, and defecating in…
White House Claims WMDs Found In Crimea
In a stunning announcement at Wednesday mornings press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced WMDs have been discovered in the Crimean peninsula. “The CIA has determined and it has been confirmed through British Intelligence that convoys of Russian…
Polls Show Increased Respect for Republican Shamelessness
Dateline: WASHINGTON—Polls indicate that Republicans are more respected by Americans, as a result of their complicated response to Russian President Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. Since George W. Bush’s second term, polls revealed that Americans’ respect for Republicans had plummeted. Analysts…
Top Glossy News February Stories Announced… Doozies Included
Well, it’s been a crazy month, and traffic has been higher than it has in at least a year, so here are the winners… and yes, there are some surprises in the mix. The first surprise is that reigning champ,…
January 2014 GlossyNews Winners Announced
January GlossyNews Winners Announced We have the best satire staff in the game and it’s with glee I announce the winners of our January contest. There was a delay in the announcement caused by, you know, let’s say “factors.” A…
Pope Francis Objects to Notre Dame Stadium Overhaul
When University of Notre Dame officials announced Wednesday that they were building a $400 million extension onto its football stadium, many were initially critical of the project’s price tag. But one notable critic has come forward to oppose the project…
Prepare the Anti-Matter Beam
Those words are not coming from a Star Trek script, or a Sci-Fi movie, they are actually being given by the scientists of ASACUSA , a multi-disciplinary collaboration between CERN and Japan’s RIKEN research center. ASACUSA team leader, Yasunori Yamazaki…
Romney Used Erstwhile Campaign Funds to Purchase Hoboken, New Jersey
HOBOKEN, NJ – In a stunning revelation Friday, a close aide to former Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney claims Romney poured virtually all of his campaign funds into purchasing the city of Hoboken, New Jersey. Mr. Romney, the frontrunner challenging…
Sarah Palin Coloring Book Is Amazon’s New Top Seller
The former part-time Republican Governor of Alaska has a new coloring book called “Sarah Palin in Comparison” that broke a sales record for its publisher and now tops Amazon’s best seller list. Earlier this month, Little Red Schoolhouse Publishing also…