Search Results for: obama
The Republican Three-Ring Circus of Sub-Partisan Freaks
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, welcome under the Republican big top and prepare to be entertained by the incredible performers of Boehner Brothers (formerly Hastert & Boehner), America’s premier political circus. I’m John Boehner, your…
Republicans Message to Minorities: “We Cool, Right?”
“…Reince Priebus, the Republican National Committee chairman, has begun an effort to attract more African-American voters…” – The New York Times – August 12, 2014 MEMORANDUM TO: All Republican incumbents and potential candidates FROM: Reince Priebus Hey! Wassup? It’s time…
Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered
Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – The location where the last known Olive Garden once stood before it succumbed to extinction was the site of a groundbreaking find on Thursday when archaeologists unexpectedly discovered a new insect that has been named the…
Remember All that Voter Fraud? The Real Numbers Surprised Us
It is easy to grab headlines with a lurid claim –“TENS OF THOUSANDS MAY BE VOTING ILLEGALLY!”– but the follow-up, when any exists – is not usually deemed newsworthy. – From “The Truth About Voter Fraud” by the Brennan Center…
Busy Tech Execs Boost Productivity, Put Children On Ice
When LaShonda Martinez’s boss first offered to freeze her three-year-old son, the programmer was aghast. “I was all like, you want to do what? But then, once they explained themselves, I was all like, yeah, maybe.” In light of recent…
Ruse of Young Border Crossers Successful for Drug Cartels
Suspicions have arisen lately that the recent spate of Latin children coming across the southern U.S. border were no spontaneous occurrence. Darker implications have revealed themselves. “The operation was a total success!” states Juan Cokefetcher, middle manager for the Headchoppers…
ISIS: The Autistic Brother of Al-Qaeda
ISIS: The world’s number one autistic brainchild, the same one which refused to continue living with his older brother, Al-Qaeda, is now in some deep trouble with the United States and Russia. After beheading a journalist in the lands of…
“Yucky World” w/ Dick and Janey: Pro-choice Advocates Changing Tactics
Announcer: “National Review”, in its August 25th edition, noted that abortion rights supporters “are abandoning the label ‘pro-choice’.” However, NR goes on to note, a “sure substitute for ‘pro-choice’ has yet to emerge…” (p.10) Georgia Ohwell, a pro-abortion activist, has…
Pelosi’s Socialist Speech Code, Anti-GOP Persecution
In a move causing widespread ripples of non-surprise, Nancy Pelosi has not-so-secretly used her Senatorial Privileges to unilaterally ram through a Socialist Speech Code for Californian police. Don’t worry; obviously, this use of the previously unheard-of Senatorial Decree option is…
Kelly Clarkson Wants to be First Annoying US President
It had to happen one day… We’ve already had the “First Black President” (a white saxophone player from Arkansas), we’ve had an ACTUAL First Black President, and there’s been talk of Hillary Clinton being the First Female President. I mean,…