“Yucky World” w/ Dick and Janey: Pro-choice Advocates Changing Tactics

Announcer: “National Review”, in its August 25th edition, noted that abortion rights supporters “are abandoning the label ‘pro-choice’.” However, NR goes on to note, a “sure substitute for ‘pro-choice’ has yet to emerge…” (p.10)

Georgia Ohwell, a pro-abortion activist, has a strategy based on a terminology change to revolutionize the dynamics of the abortion debate. She will be discussing this with talk show hosts Dick and Janey of “Yucky World”.

Janey: What’s the problem with the abortion rights movement, Ms. Ohwell?

Ohwell: Anti-abortion support has risen to over 50%.

Janey: How do you account for that?

Ohwell: Anti-choice propaganda!

Dick: You mean facts like the unborn child has a beating heart at 18 days and brain waves at 40 days.

Ohwell: It’s just a bunch of cells.

Dick: Many doctors believe those cells can feel pain at 20 weeks.

Ohwell: So can a woman who doesn’t want to become a mother.

Janey: There’s a big difference between physical and psychological pain.

Ohwell: Tell that to an unwanted child while he’s growing up.

Dick: I’d rather be here than dead.

Ohwell: That’s easy for you to say.

Janey: How has new technology affected the pro-choice movement?

Ohwell: It’s led to a love affair with the fetus.

Dick: You mean those ultra-sound pictures of the unborn child that families hang on their refrigerators?

Ohwell: Exactly! Photographic propaganda!

Janey: Are there any positives for the pro-choice movement?

Ohwell: President Obama is a strong supporter of abortion rights, and he’s a pretty smart politician.

Dick: Obama can’t be that sharp. He doesn’t even know when human life begins.

Ohwell: To be more accurate, I believe President Obama said when asked that question that the answer was above his “pay grade”.

Dick: Well, it’s apparently not above the pay grade of teen-age boys. That’s one of the reasons they use condoms…because they do know when human life begins!

Janey: I understand you have a strategy to turn things around for the pro-choice movement, Ms. Ohwell.

Ohwell: Absolutely! We need a terminology change. The abortion rights movement got a big boost when we started to use the word “choice”, but it’s not working anymore. We’re getting beat-up now with the term “unborn child”.

Dick: Isn’t that what it is?

Ohwell: Absolutely not! We need to change to a more accurate term: It’s a “parasite”!

Dick: It’s a…huh?

Ohwell: Parasite!! Look it up in the dictionary. A parasite is defined as something that lives off another while contributing nothing in return.

Janey: You think this will work?

Ohwell: By definition, if it’s a parasite then it doesn’t have any rights!

Dick: Therefore, there’s nothing wrong with killing a parasite!

Ohwell: Wow! You may be smarter than I actually thought you were.

Janey: Do you really believe that expectant mothers will think of their future children as parasites?

Ohwell: If the definition fits…

Dick: Well, if you want to do definition jokes, I’ve got one…

Janey: Dick!

Dick: What do you call the twins of an expectant mother?

Ohwell: This isn’t going to be some stupid pun based on the “pair” in parasite, is it?

Dick: I’m better than that!

Janey: Okay! What do you call the twins of an expectant mother?

Dick: Womb-mates!! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

Ohwell: You really are pathetic.

Dick: Actually, for a former parasite, I thought that I was pretty punny!

Author: Chuck Rivetto

Retired high school teacher (government and English.) Some believe Rivetto's creation of "Yucky World" with talk show hosts Dick and Janey has revitalized the satiric literary genre of sophomoric cornballism; others believe he shouldn't have quit his day job! (^-^)

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