Dumb People Encouraged to Talk Less
University of Washington researchers have been on the verge of a breakthrough in the study of “dumb people” since the initiation of the study in January, 1999. Researchers believe they can raise the intelligence of subjects by 10-12 points if…
Alien Adductions Reach Epidemic Proportions
NASA is growing irritated at incomplete missions fouled by meddling do-gooder aliens returning humans to earth prematurely in the name of stellar safety. Alien abductions have been fabled for centuries with festive highlights ranging from anal probing to impregnation, with…
Hot Soccer Uniforms Promise U.S. Interest in Tepid Sport
Soccer, long considered the game of little girls and college athletes who can’t get scholarships for a “real sport” makes a lobby once more to break into the American market. This time it’s not aimed at corporate ownership or potential…
Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”
Pfizer has released their newest series of commercials for the highly popular erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra. During a New York Yankees game last week Pfizer debuted their new commercial. The new advertising campaign abandons their previous approach of “Blue pill…
Barry Bonds Thanks Media for Knee Injury
After three knee surgeries in three months, noted steroidphile Barry “Shut the F Up” Bonds has accosted the gritty media for their obvious causal role in creating his physical injury.
J-Lo’s Ass to Secede From the Union
After months of inflationary pressure and exterior expansion, sources close to J-Lo’s ass are reporting the beefy rump intends to secede from the main body of Ms. Lopez.
NAACP Resents NCAA Confusion
In a public statement issued Thursday the Washington DC chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People formally renounced any mistaken identity associated with the National College Athletics Association, despite their many similarities.
The odd and frustrating case of the disappearing ad revenue
There’s a little tradition around this site. It has to do with how we make our money as it pertains to how we do business. And it looks a little something like this… About once a year we get a…
Culkin So High, Didn’t Know He Was in Oklahoma
Macaulay Culkin, long the idol of Jacksonian worship, has reached new highs in his career and physiology this week with his drug arrest in, of all places, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Culkin made no comment about his star-turned-felon status which put…
Head Allegedly Weighs “Like 500 Pounds”
Don’t think I don’t see all you proud people walking around with your gigantic melons held high. It bugs me like a plague of locusts because I’m proud too, but my pigeon-bobby noggin weighs more than the sun and the…