Posted in Health

Chaseable Pigeons Revel in Survival-Based Fitness

Unbeknownst to most animals, they are among the chaseable creations. I have proven that even scavenger and parasite species that require our presence to survive are never more than a few rapid steps away from being chased. Research further proves…

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Posted in Health

Kid’s Cold Hits Head Like Like Hammer of Snot

If ever I had reason to complain about something, this would probably be it. I mean, I would complain about it, if only I could, but I just can’t. I’m much too under the weather to protest. Still, I have…

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Posted in Kidz Zone Travel

Tribal Native Denies “Being a Ninja”, Secretly Dreams

It was the strangest thing. We were having a runaway, rampant day out, doing our darnedest to span the landscape of the Puerto Rican interestosphere, regardless of the locals’ patent refusals to engage us in our media-istic capacities. It was…

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Posted in Human Interest

Crush on Dora of Explorer Fame Finally Reality

Like any good American, I watch an inordinate, almost embarrassing amount of television. Personally, I’m partial to cartoons and shows involving adults dressed as oversized animals, typically dancing around while pretending to teach some lesson or other, but what I’m…

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Posted in Entertainment Kidz Zone

Muppet Agenda Leads to Loose Jell-O Complacence

First we had to deal with the Diaper Industrial Complex, then the Hardline Pro-Potty Training Movement. Now I have to deal with the Muppet Agenda and the influence it has on people around me. It’s bad enough they teach kids that…

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Posted in Health Strange People

Head Allegedly Weighs “Like 500 Pounds”

Don’t think I don’t see all you proud people walking around with your gigantic melons held high. It bugs me like a plague of locusts because I’m proud too, but my pigeon-bobby noggin weighs more than the sun and the…

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