Documentary 2,000 Miles to Maine Fails to Suck
I regularly accept requests to review films and do so with boisterous glee. Hollywood is afraid of my brutal honesty but, once out of the “Golden State” of California the fear dissipates and my poignant slams are more graciously accepted….
Coca-Cola Deploys 5,000 Troops to Somalia
Coca-Cola was forced to withdraw their 8,000 peacekeeping troops from Somalia when war broke out in 1989. The civil scene has since subsided and civilians, long thirsty for caffeinated cola, seem eager to embrace the armed forces being provided by…
Tattoo Fails to be Even Remotely Sexy
Jerri-Anne Thomas is a newly divorced, middle-aged, portly housewife who has been working hard to express the hunger of her acute onset mid-life crisis. When her sexually liberated spinster friend got a new tattoo hailed as sexy by a variety…
Heelys; Sole Wears Thin, Novelty Don’t
After three solid years of near daily use, my faithful novelty shoes, bought on a whim, must now be unfortunately retired. And why? What an insult to modern value that shoes eventually wear out. When I first bought them, I…
Heelys; Sole Wears Thin, Novelty Don’t
After three solid years of near daily use, my faithful novelty shoes, bought on a whim, must now be unfortunately retired. And why? What an insult to modern value that shoes eventually wear out. When I first bought them, I…
Brewing Up Candied Malt Liquor; 211 Skeel Reserve
-God no, what on earth was I thinking? I feel like a Lucy tripper who has just realized he triple-dosed. Alas, I will (or may,) prevail. 211 is best served very, very cold. So cold in fact that one could…
Razor Blade Sales Down Despite Halloween
Major razor manufacturer Gillette and pin and needle maker PrickCo have shown slumping sales, even though Halloween is only days away. Late October usually sees a surge in sales of razors, needles, and other sharp objects.
Four-on-the-Floor-a-Scopes (Hotrod Horoscopes)
We recognize that not all living people born within a certain window need the same advice and fit the same profile. At Glossy News we appreciate diversity and write our horoscopes for YOU, whomever you may be. Even hot-rodding freaks…
Woman “Powdering Nose” Actually Taking Big Ol’ Dump
SAN FRANCISCO – While on a dinner date with Oakland resident Robert Madison, 25, Eva Truman, 24, excused herself, claiming she had to powder her nose. Subsequent investigation, though, has revealed an ulterior motive to her bathroom visit Tuesday night.
Bryant Gumbel Publishes “Almost Black Like Me”
Fanfare accompanied critical praise this week as the New York Times best seller list welcomed it’s newest member. Rave reviews came from white, black, latino and Asian critics, all claiming him as a member of their own.