Merkel Readies Device for Stimulating Greeks
BERLIN, GERMANY —GlossyNews Chancellor Merkel of Germany said she would readily agree to stimulating Greece in their G-spot. Germany’s “Iron Lady” says she will use her newly created device called a “Euro-do”, thusly named as it inserts the Euro into…
“Men in Suits” determine the future of the GOP
Several suited men are pouring over papers scattered on a desk before them. “So, it comes down to this: The Corporations are deciding on either Gingrich or Santorum to be the Republican representative for the Republican platform in the Presidential…
Octomom weds Chaz Bono
Photographers filled sidewalks outside Graceland Chapel this weekend, spilling out into the street and blocking traffic. The paparazzi had thronged to Vegas for a snapshot of what’s being called the wedding of the century. Chaz Bono and a radiant Nadya…
Barack Obama Thanks Bristol Palin for Unsolicited Parental Advice
Barack Obama made certain that he acknowledged the wise words he received indirectly Friday from Bristol Palin with regards to his stance on same-sex marriage. “We are just incredibly thankful to have someone as mature and wise as Bristol Palin…
Pay-per-view Presidential Debates
It is the dark, painful secret of broadcast journalism. Dedicated professionals actually work tirelessly to produce that lowest common denominator pabulum known as ‘mainstream media.’ Insiders admit the fare is about as nutritious as rice cakes dipped in excrement, but…
Gingrich Halted By Month-old Shooting
BATON ROUGE, LA —EBBQ Newt Gingrich hastily called a press conference after appearing on Sean Hannity’s FOXNEWS telecast. He said in opening the sparsely attended 2-reporter conference: “I was completely misquoted in my answer to Sean where he said that…
Weekly Political Wrap Up Includes Syria’s Lack of Legitimacy
On Monday, President Barack Obama called for a big deficit reduction package to go along with raising the debt ceiling, saying to a reluctant Congress that “it’s time to pull off the band-aid. Eat our peas.” Authorities are investigating why…
Ford Claims Insurance Faith Exemption
Long after contemporary pundits have passed on to their respective rewards (7th level of Dante’s Inferno) historians may characterize the Affordable Healthcare Act as 2700 pages of unintended consequences. That possibility loomed larger this week as Ford Motor Company triggered…
Dang It, Google Drive, Be Rational
Google Drive is the latest entry in the cloud backup and storage game. They offer mad amounts of storage at unbelievably reasonable prices, but they still fairly suck as bad as any of their competitors, and we just have to…
Scientists Discover 21 Benefits to Burkas
Burkas are the head to toe traditional wear for adult females in the most fundamentalist of Islamic countries. They are designed to cover up all possibilities of erotic stimulation coming from even the oldest of women. Standard wear in much…