Military to Balance Budget via Naming Rights
Because of severe military budget reductions, the MetLife Defense Department has begun selling naming rights to major military weapons systems and installations. The AT&T Pentagon, contacted by a senior military correspondent yesterday, said they expect to make millions from corporations…
Santorum Endorses Mitt Romney… For Profit
PITTSBURG, PA –GlossyNews Rick Santorum finally threw his support behind presumptive GOPTea™ nominee Mitt Romney, saying to his supporters, “I strongly encouraged Mitt to add me as the Team Conservative Leader, and I am pleased to say that I will…
Obama Defeats Romney in Hollywood Version of 2012 Presidential Election
LOS ANGELES – In a classic Hollywood ending that left audiences cheering and wiping tears from their eyes, President Obama triumphed over his Republican rival Mitt Romney in the 2012 U.S. presidential election, after staging a stunning come-from-behind upset that…
Trump to Host Romney Bacon-Wrapped Foie Gras Dinner Fundraiser
TRUMP TOWER, NYC —GlossyNews The final logistics for “Trump’s Huge Gourmet Dinner to Fund Gov. Romney” have been released. The Donald announced that “on landing at Kennedy the fortunate attendees – the chosen folk – will receive free post-flight ground…
Liquor at Supermarkets – Here Comes the Hangover
This morning at the crack of midnight Washington State supermarkets like Metropolitan Market in downtown Seattle began selling hard liquor. It took years of struggle, three state-level initiatives and more than $22 million from Costco, but is it worth it?…
Truck Spills Thousands of Gallons of Beer; Obama Declares Day of Mourning
VOLUSIA COUNTY, FL – A semi truck carrying thousands of gallons of beer overturned in Volusia County early Tuesday morning, spilling beer over the northbound lanes of I-95. Police say hundreds of cases of bottled beer were lost in one…
George Tierney Exclusive Interview… yes, George Tierney from Greenville, SC
It was just yesterday when I saw the latest accidental celebrity create himself on the interwebs. It seems one George Tierney Jr. of Greenville, SC decided it was okay to get in a pissing match with tbogg from FireDogLake. Fark.com…
Osama bin Laden’s Post Mortem Bestsellers
It seems some of our most beloved Middle-eastern dictators penned a few novels before their untimely demises. Momar Khaddafi had written a romance novel before his beating by his own people and his buddy Saddam Hussein before his capture had…
“Georgetown University Girl is Loco”
Posted by your South America correspondents Maria and Consuela Lopez. Maria: “We’ve been very busy covering the Syrian rebellion from the Greek Isles, and according to all the guys we’ve interviewed here, it’s not going too well in Syria.”
Governor Scott Walker Declares State-Wide Burn Ban Leading Up to Recall Election
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has officially declared a state-wide emergency burn ban in response to reports that dozens of campaign signs on behalf of the embattled governor are going up in flames. The move, while politically necessary according to sources…