BERLIN, GERMANY —GlossyNews Chancellor Merkel of Germany said she would readily agree to stimulating Greece in their G-spot. Germany’s “Iron Lady” says she will use her newly created device called a “Euro-do”, thusly named as it inserts the Euro into the economy as a sexual stimulant device, an effect that is similar to the use of a dildo – named the “dildo effect”.
This act, when administered by Merkel, an closet dominatrix, is mistakenly perceived by the hoi polloi as a softer, more emotional approach towards a struggling country’s inner chaos. Exactly the opposite effect is what happens.
No one in today’s Europe is crass enough to wish Greece an exit without public sitmulus, an act that would deprive them of their right of complete release. The smart Greeks are considering a divergent path to exit the Euro and re-employ a redesigned Drachma Stimulus plan. This yet-to-be employed Greek plan does not utilize the “dildo effect.”
One Greek person, who spoke anonymously, said “We are not used to this economic master/slave method of overt control. And we would never put anyone under the effects of a non-human device such as this, it is inhuman treatment, to say the least.”
“For centuries in Greece, we have relied on the human application of stimulation, no matter for what purpose. That’s what has worked for us. These artificial means of stimulation are not what we want to teach our children. They deserve the proper human stimulation to get through life.”
It is the cost of such external sexual stimulus that is perturbing Merkel and her Euro Economic advisors. They fear what could happen to the fates of Spain and Italy when they justly claim their own levels of increased stimulus dominance.
Merkel will headline the 2012 G-8 summit in Washington’s Camp David. Her keynote will be delivered with a G-Spot PowerPoint presentation, revealing her strategies of domination through insertions and exits of the various stimuli.
She will compare and contrast her “Euro-do” strategy with a new “USA-do”, a two-headed device recently developed at the Heritage Foundation, a neo-conservative think tank in Washington DC. Heritage claims that through detailed research and extensive testing, they have developed the optimal device which, in their words, is “getting them both coming and going”. Some say this is patently obnoxious.
It is a strategy which the GOPTea© Congress membership has championed relentlessly with some success, since the mid-terms in 2010. The main author of this plan is a little-known man named Grover Taxquits.
A quickly re-written French strategy has been introduced by new French President François Hollande. Called the “Dubya-do” (the French love to copy anything USA), involves artificially inflating the device internally, not allowing the exit to happen at all. The strategy has a limited multi-year lifespan before it deflates automatically, causing total collapse when least expected.
Its last use was seen in 2001–2003, early in the Bush Mega-Trillions Spend-a-Thon, which brought on a colossal collapse in 2007, just a mere 4 years later–much sooner than many GOPTea© wanted to admit actually happened.
“Dubya-do” is said to have attracted the eye of Mitt Romney who now publicly claims to have used the illegal rubberized version of it commercially in his VC business during the 1990s with much success. He is said to severely admire the “least expected” part of its deflation, because it so quickly appeals to his friends the bankruptcy judges, who are eventually called to rule on cases where union pension plans are divested.
On a lighter note, Angela Merkel is going to be traveling with England’s previously known Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher. Ms. Thatcher will attend the G-8 Camp David Summit in an advisory capacity only, as she has given up listening to anyone but the few long-trusted voices in her head–the favorite of which is said to be that of young Ronnie Reagan from California, before he married that Nancy and started dying his hair black.