Octomom weds Chaz Bono

Photographers filled sidewalks outside Graceland Chapel this weekend, spilling out into the street and blocking traffic. The paparazzi had thronged to Vegas for a snapshot of what’s being called the wedding of the century. Chaz Bono and a radiant Nadya Suleman became man and wife as a small group of friends and relatives looked on.

Later, a beaming Chaz brushed rice from his blue Armani blazer and explained the secrecy surrounding the afternoon ceremony. “Both of us really, we don’t like attention. We’re very private people; everybody knows that.” The famously shy couple made an exception regarding the reception, admitting some reporters to the Liberace Museum event. A disco soundtrack played as guests sipped champagne and snacked on slumber party themed hors d’oeuvres.

“Oh, he’s the best,” giggled Nadya Suleman-Bono as she tousled the groom’s hair. “The men I’ve known before, they didn’t understand women, not the way Chaz does. Being a single mother is always challenging and I’ve got it fourteen times over. ChazzyBear is so stable and unchanging; he’s the calm center of my crazy life.”

According to friends, the lovers first met in a whacky coincidence like something out of a movie, or reality television series perhaps. Suleman was responding to a Craigslist ad for discounted Brazilian blowouts. An accidental transposing of numbers rang instead on Chaz’ phone. The rest as they say is history; the pair shared an instant rapport. Gazing lovingly into his bride’s eyes, Chaz said, “Yeah, it’s like she can read my mind. Knowing Nadya, well it’s been the most important three weeks of my life.”

U2’s Bono, a long time family friend and Bono confidante, acted as best man. Later, he stood apart from the throng of celebrants and nibbled at a Rice Krispy square, watching the fun. “Call me a cockeyed romantic, but I have a good feeling about those two. Sure, they seem a horribly pathetic mismatch, but don’t be so quick to judge.” Leaning against one of Liberace’s favorite grand pianos, the veteran rocker sipped champagne and waxed philosophical. “Love requires shared sacrifice or it won’t endure. If Nadya and Chaz will work together, the sky’s the limit. Regular spot on Howard Stern or even a syndicated talk show on the Oprah network.”

Sources close to the story say the newlyweds and their fourteen children will live with Cher at her palatial seaside home, until Cher finds out about it.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

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