Conservative Group Angered over Leftish Bias of Bible Translations
The Freedom Under a Christian Ruled Society (FUCRS) today announced their outright disgust at bible translations with a blatantly liberal agenda and plans to have the Good Book translated from the New Living Translation to one that meets their political…
Washington Redskins Change Name to Less-Offensive “Virginia-Adjacent Redskins”
WASHINGTON — In response to a recent outcry surrounding the Washington Redskins’ controversial name, which critics argue is highly inappropriate in this day and age, Owner Daniel Snyder has announced that he will change the name to the less-offensive “Virginia-Adjacent…
Obama Meets with Republicans; Shows Them His Spine
President Barack Obama finally sat down with John Boehner and Mitch McConnell to discuss how to end the stalemate over the funding of government. Unfortunately, neither side could make the concessions needed to end the standoff. Upon leaving the meeting…
Subspecies’ Ears Slowly Forming into Mouths
WASHINGTON—Scientists announced Monday that the subspecies rabia hospes interruptus is projected to undergo radical physical changes in response to their environment and need for survival. “Basically, to continue their way of life, these creatures are forced to protect themselves from…
Obama Lets His Bad Self Out All Over The NRA’s LaPierre
It was a phone call that President Obama didn’t want to make, but he knew he would eventually have to. He also knew that it would do little good, but that it had to be made anyway. So, on Wednesday,…
Child Dodges Trip to National Park
Eleven-year-old Ted Ews has narrowly avoided having to go on a Sunday outing with his family to Big Bend National Park, in Texas. “No,” he shouted, stomping his foot, when his father, Barry, first voiced the idea during dinner the…
Britney Spears Delivers Message to John Boehner: “Work B**ch”
WASHINGTON — In an odd turn of events yesterday, Pop Icon Britney Spears weighed in on the current Capitol Hill gridlock with a message aimed squarely at Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH). According to Spears, “You better work…
Kim Jong Un Can Fix North Korea, And Here’s How
Since the death of his father, Kim Jong Il, Kim the third has struggled to establish what kind of leader he is. If he’s smart, or even just sagely selfish, he’ll open the country and become the richest man on…
Local Dad Reassures Son That Family Dog Died Because Kanye Works in Mysterious Ways
WICHITA, KAN — Following the recent death of his family’s beloved Golden Retriever “Champ,” Area Dad Russell Kerndike consoled his 12-year-old son Gary by explaining that, “Well, sometimes Kanye West works in mysterious ways.” “You see, Gar, sometimes He puts…
The Myth of the GOP Repeal & Replace Talking Point
It was difficult for Republicans to fight against Obamacare. While they tried to vilify it, people actually liked what it stood for, and the rebate checks from premiums didn’t hurt either. But in opposing something designed to fix a national…