British Prime Minister Apparently Not Tony Blair Anymore, Nation Finds
WASHINGTON D.C. – During a joint televised address designed to highlight the special relationship between the United States and Great Britain Wednesday, it was revealed to the American public that the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom is not, in…
Study: Illegal Gun Owners Have Larger Genitalia
In a recent study published jointly by the NAACP and the NCAA, it has been found that those possessing firearms illegally have a penis, on average, three inches longer. “It’s true,” said Rebecca Haywood, spokeswoman and study researcher. “I’ve seen…
Breaking – Heofon: A New Non-Secular World On The Horizon?
Topeka, KS, USA—During a special televised press briefing simulcast on FOX news and CBN this past Tuesday, a small group of faith-based engineers and Liberty University geologists, along with biologists working out of Central Christian College, as well as home-schooled…
Walmart Discontinues Slim, Regular Cuts in Favor of Husky Sizes
Walmart, the undisputed reigning purveyor of plus-sized clothes in America at any price, has announced this week that they will discontinue sales of “slim” and “regular” cuts in favor of an all-husky line of clothing. “It just makes sense,” says…
GOP Right, We Do Need to Slash Military, Raise Taxes
As the Republican shutdown enters its 11th day, the GOP has failed to waiver from their insincere talking points about fiscal responsibility. But they’re right. We have to cut the deficit and reduce the debt, and the best way to…
An Open Letter to Al Queda and its Branch Affiliates
Good day, guys. How is it going? Blow up anything fun today? Shoot your quota of infidels yet? OK, sorry you’re having a bad day. Just a few questions I wanted to ask you guys. (I am assuming you are…
Make No Mistake, This is a Republican Shutdown
Make No Mistake, This is a Republican Shutdown FOX News and conservative radio like to make out the issue as “both sides are to blame,” or more commonly just casting blame solely on the Democrats, but that’s just not true….
Harvard Law Launches “Stupidity is No Barrier” Policy
CAMBRIDGE – A new policy ratified by Harvard Law School will ensure that admissions officers do not discriminate against candidates on account of their stupidity. The fresh statute includes a clause which says “No heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual, genderfluid or transfag…
Child Pornographers, Polygamists Fight for First Amendment Rights
In Washington D. C .a handful of people showed up for the Million Man Child Pornographer March led by the Society of Children in Cinema United by Men (SCCUM). The rally was staged in the conjunction with the Rights for…
John Boehner Finishes Another Pint of Whiskey
John Boehner (R-Ohio) said Tuesday that he wants to have a “conflagration” with President Barack Obama and congressional Democrats over the government shutdown and deadline to raise the debt ceiling. “I wanna half a conflagration, I’m not drowl… drowning any…