Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – In response to the demand of residents living on Broad Street in Center City, Mayor Michael Nutter has filled a giant pothole, while simultaneously taking a step forward in a city-wide effort to legalize marijuana.
“Today, Philadelphia has filled a deep void with a banned substance that will soon be legalized and utilized by residents throughout the city for medical and recreational purposes,” said Mayor Nutter, while biting into a brownie with noticeable chunks of green, leafy material spewing from its edges.
Five tons of potent cannabis was flown in from Denver, Colorado earlier in the week to fill the chasm, which engineers say cannot be driven over by automobiles as it was only filled for cosmetic purposes.
“I was gypped!” Said former Philadelphia Eagle, DeSean Jackson, who was released by the team two weeks ago and recently signed a contract to play with the Washington Redskins. “I feel like they did this just to spite me!” Jackson said during a Washington Redskins practice, while watching quarterback Robert Griffin III trip over his own shoelaces and fall helplessly to the ground.
Despite 13,271 potholes within city limits remaining unfilled and causing massive amounts of damage to unsuspecting vehicles, Philadelphia as a whole, remains upbeat at the thought of joining other U.S. cities in the quest to legalize marijuana. Mayor Nutter has officially launched a “cannapaign” and hopes to have marijuana legalized by the Independence Day celebration taking place in less than three months.