The Many (questionable) Roads To Success
So many are struggling in our current difficult economic times where the few controlling the financial strings of the country have the rest of us dancing around just to survive while they watch from the porches of their grand estates…
CNN Knows What Happened to Missing Emails From Lois Lerner
Atlanta – CNN president, Jeff Zucker, has leaked information that shows the network is aware of what happened to two years of missing emails between embattled IRS operative, Lois Lerner, and various people in government, including the White House.
Girls Stab Friend in Honor of Slenderman; Glad it Wasn’t in the Back
Two girls were arrested by the Bureau of Academic and Constitutional Owners for Niggas force for allegedly stabbing a girl after trying to prove the existence of the Photoshopped myth “Slenderman”. When questioned by the judge, the two girls responded…
Jay Carney Addresses Sex Change Transformation Rumors
Washington – Outgoing 16 year-old White House press secretary, Jay Carney, has finally admitted his secret sex change transformation from a man to a woman is well underway and that hormone replacement therapy is ongoing. Carney, who originally had planned…
Catholic Church Commemorates Scientology for Beating Their Scam Record
The bald-ass monkey pope from the Catholic Church in some schmancy European country commemorated the Church of Scientology this week for utterly destroying their record set since their foundation back when the bearded old man went up in the sky….
Hillary Clinton Reveals She Was Original Member of “The Beverly Hillbillies”
New York City – Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton came out of the poor house long enough today, on her current book tour, to confess to the world how hard her life has been. She and former President Clinton…
Former First Lady Hilary Clinton Admits She and Bill Were Homeless After the White House
In a shocking revelation, former First Ladt Hilary Clinton admits she and her husband were ‘homeless’ after leaving the White House. “We were trying to squeak by on Bill’s pension while trying to pay for Chelsea’s education and we just…
NRA Buys Chinese Knife Companies To Corner Mass Murder Market In Mainland China
The NRA, in a startling move, has bought up several mainland Chinese knife firms to encourage their nationals use of guns rather than knives. China has recently suffered a number of knife attacks at train stations and other public places…
Support the Troops: US Troops to Be Quartered in Private Homes
WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration announced today its new policy of quartering US troops and domestic security agents in private residences “for the safety of the people in these dangerous times.” Known as “Support the Troops,” President Obama himself announced…
Seth MacFarlane’s Penis Found Dead
Seth MacFarlane, creator of such ground-breaking animated hits as “Family Guy” and “American Dad” discovered his own badly decomposed penis dead in a ravine in rural Arizona. MacFarlane had reported his penis missing a week earlier. He stumbled upon it…