Seth MacFarlane, creator of such ground-breaking animated hits as “Family Guy” and “American Dad” discovered his own badly decomposed penis dead in a ravine in rural Arizona.
MacFarlane had reported his penis missing a week earlier. He stumbled upon it after sobering up from a drunken fugue state and discovering it missing along with his last shred of cinematic credibility.
“I thought it just got pissy and ran off,” lamented MacFarlane. “It gets that way when I drink.” Police are investigating the incident but will not say if there were signs of a struggle.
MacFarlane and his penis were in Arizona scouting locations for his next film, “A Million and One Ways to Lose Your Ass at The Box Office,” when…according to MacFarlane’s ass…he and his penis had words and got into a physical altercation.
“They had a conceptual disagreement over the budget,” said MacFarlane’s ass and creative muse. “MacFarlane secretly prefers backwater locations and a tight budget while his penis spares no expense to have a slick set with great big mountains.” In stark contrast to MacFarlane’s miserly, misogynistic manner, his penis often blows wads of cash on the ladies.
Sources recall observing a drunken Seth whipping out his penis and slapping it around when it suddenly became enraged, popped off a string of profanities and stormed out of hotel.
“That penis was hot,” said one guest. “It was hard to watch Seth beating on it like that, but hey, it wasn’t my business how writers get their creative juices flowing! Besides I heard penises can be hard to deal with sometimes.”
According to sources close to the penis, Seth went searching for it only after it had not returned by the next evening. Six days later, he discovered it at the bottom of a deep hole, shriveled and clearly lifeless. According to one medical investigator, “It looked a lot like his last movie. BOOM! There I said it!”
MacFarlane’s penis is credited as a co-writer of Seth’s latest box office boner, “A Million Ways to Die in the West” as well as most of the in-your-face, scatological humor MacFarlane is noted for hammering home.
“A Million Ways to Die in the West” opened to flaccid reviews after a hard-driving ad campaign and may have played a role in the alcohol fueled disagreement. Preliminary reports suggest the inebriated penis may have become disoriented in the darkness ending up dead in a ditch.
MacFarlane insists he is pushing ahead on his new project without his penis. MacFarlane is reportedly considering using stand-up comedian Bill Maher to fill in for his penis until a replacement writer can be found. According to MacFarlane’s wise-cracking ass, “After all, Maher is already a dick!”