Formerly even less non-renowned basketball team Utah Jazz have recently lost their mojo, with their fanatical new Mormon Fundamentalist leader, Pickney H. Jonestonne, alienating droves of players with his unusual dress code.
Although Utah Jazz players under previous managerial regimes have engaged with aplomb such bizarre rituals as playing commando, playing with commandos (?!), training with ball clamps and showering with stoned hippos, it seem the Religion of Spaced Out Space Age Wackiness (yo, L Ron! STFD!) has really proven one imaginary copper plate of idiocy too many for the Jazzies.
A confidential internal memo says:
Lord Jehovah is our strength. Lord Jehovah is our mighty bulwark against the day of bouncing balls. Praise to the Lord of Mormon: the basketball shalt not strike thine precious plums by day, nor shalt the crouching enemy kicketh by night! Magic underpants hath been be-given, like all good things, for to be enjoyed of all men, and naught forbidden be!
Mildly concerned by the entirely unintentional homoerotic connotations of the proceedings, Republicans have now fled the sport in droves.
On the plus side, the impending financial collapse has the most diehard members of the new Utah Jazz regime (soon to be renamed the Deseret Psalmists) heading for the hills.
Whether this will benefit THEM more, or the teeming masses of basketball fanboyerie, remains to be seen…