Category: Sports
Roger Goodell Diverts Media’s Attention at News Conference
New York, NY – All eyes were focused on Roger Goodell Wednesday afternoon as the National Football League’s Commissioner was expected to address the media regarding his alleged awareness of the video featuring Ray Rice striking his future wife, Janay…
St. Louis Rams Cut Michael Sam for Being “Not Gay Enough”
ST. LOUIS – In a statement released today by St. Louis Rams Head Coach Jeff Fischer, defensive end Michael Sam did not make the latest round of roster cuts because of his apparent lack of homosexual tendencies. “Honestly, as a…
Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball… Period. But She WILL be President!
Rachel Maddow of the left-leaning news network MSNBC has defended Hillary Clinton from malicious and false conservative allegations that she is bad at basketball. See this transcript:
Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings
Saturday night NASCAR icon Tony Stewart single-handedly quadrupled NASCAR’s slumping television ratings when he hit and killed Kevin Ward Jr in a Sprint Car race at Canandaigua Motorsports Park in upstate New York. Ward, 20, had been run into the…
Billy Beane in attempted trade for Trout: “F*** it”
ANAHEIM – This morning, general manager Billy Beane of the Oakland Athletics attempted the trade of a lifetime. Jerry Dipoto, GM of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, tells source that Beane contacted him in the early hours of the…
Sports Channel Scrapes Bottom, Covers Mini Golf
There’s nothing elegant about a three-year-old putting madly at a ball he can’t seem to square up on, but it seems one channel has gone the extra mile by making him an internet sensation. The golfer in question is a…
“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Left-handers suing Major League Baseball
Announcer: Equal treatment for all Americans is a fundamental principle of our Constitution. Baseball is supposed to be as American as apple pie. Serious questions have been raised about baseball’s fairness by the National Organization for Perfect Equality (NOPE). “Yucky…
An American’s Comment On All The Balderdash Surrounding Soccer’s World Cup In Brazil.
It is time to take the opportunity to take you folks in the rest of the world (besides the good old USA) and England especially to task for the formation and promoting since the 16th century this thing you call…
Breaking: Genealogy Site Proves Link Between Suarez and Dr. Lecter
In a recent shocking turn of events the well-known genealogy site Ancestry.com has reported that they have uncovered an indisputable link between Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez and Dr. Hannibal Lecter, a man previously thought to be a fictional cannibal. “Initially…
Billions Happy During World Cup
RIO DE JANEIRO – Billions of football fans across the world are incredibly happy about the month-long distraction from serious news during the World Cup tournament. “The fact that Russia might start invading Ukraine any minute now is simply not…